Last month Tumblr blog ‘howtomakemecome’ went huge touting itself as the holy grail of women’s orgasm, as the first time girls properly and openly told people how to do the sex thing. Covered in everywhere from Complex to the Daily Mail, it was called “open”, “graphic” and “honest”, and now even has a podcast. But really the blog, like most “sex tips” on the Internet, doesn’t actually tell you anything about sex. In long, rambling paragraphs it talks in the most frustratingly general terms about “inner confidence” and ex-boyfriends and loneliness. Like most “sex for gals” guides, like Cosmo articles about how to get a boyfriend and the half-truths you used to hear from your mates at school, it’s poetic and cheesy and completely over the top, without really saying anything useful. So instead, we’ve cut out all the extra stuff and asked girls in their own most technical terms, how to make girls come. Here’s what they said:
Going at one pace, in one position focusing on one erogenous zone isn’t going to get you anywhere. Start out slowly and lead me in gently – foreplay is key, sometimes even better than the real thing. Take time with undressing me, tease me by kissing up and down the inside of my legs, and only pull my knickers to the side until you can see I can’t wait a second longer.
Now, get faster. When you go down on me, use your hands as well as your tongue. Go from slow and gentle to faster with more pressure, tuning into how i’m feeling. Once I’m really wet, kiss slowly up my body and lie next to me in the spoon position. Enter me from behind, starting out super slowly. Make sure to switch between touching my clit and my boobs, and slowly start to get deeper and faster.
Switch positions. Pick me up, wrap my legs around your waist and hold me up against the wall, keeping the speed up. If I think you’re really sexy, dirty talk will go down a treat – but if you don’t do it right it can be an instant turn off. To play it safe, stick to the good old “oh my god you make me so hard” – flattery will get you everywhere. Sit back down and let me take control. Kiss my neck, grab my arse and maybe even spank me while I’m on top. Rotate me around into reverse cowgirl, grab my hips and pull me closer to you with each thrust. Play with my clit in circular motions, getting faster and faster until I finish. Thanks.
Probably the most overused piece of advice in the world, which is far too often ignored, is: don’t go in all guns blazing. Once you touch the clitoris, everything after that has way less impact. The longer you go without even addressing anything under the underwear, the better it is when you do.
Teasing is the key but don’t do it in a creepy “I killed your granny” too much eye contact way. I’ve been told guys like to be looked in the eye when girls are going down on them but it’s a fine line to tread. No eye contact at all and it’s awkward. Too much eye contact and it’s very awkward. Nearly every girl I know doesn’t come from penetration, and often once the actual sex begins the window is gone. The longer you spend on the build up the higher your chances of hitting the big time.
The clitoris is more important than the g-spot (for nearly everyone). Be stupidly gentle with it until later in the game. You should start as a caring and charming gentleman, and finish rough. A bit of hitting and spanking really does it for me. I like to take control but don’t ask me to, and feel free to move me around in different positions. NEVER ask if and when I’m going to come, this is a sure fire way to ensure that I do not. Also if you come before, step the fuck up and make sure I do after. This pretty much never happens and it should.
Lastly, always go down on a girl. It’s a major swaying factor when thinking back to how good the sex was.
While admittedly, sometimes I like the performative aspect of sex and “taking control” as much as the next person, I much prefer it when guys take control. Don’t neglect any part of the foreplay process. Fingering gets a really bad reputation, but it’s what should come naturally after kissing. Do not neglect fingering. It’s underrated because people think it’s for teenagers, but actually, it’s pretty exciting. Don’t go overboard though. Don’t go down straight away, nipple kiss a lot. I enjoy giving blowjobs, but if someone goes down on me before and I’ve already come it takes the urgency out of it and I get bored.
When I’m sucking you off, don’t be afraid to grab my hair. Then move down, but don’t jump in right away. Kiss my stomach and either side of my thighs until I’m writhing around and there’s build up and then go in. I cannot emphasise enough that it’s all about the clit. But don’t go full on in and hard on it, be gentle. Stay down there until I come or almost come and then move up quickly and put it in.
Don’t stay in one position the whole time. I like to start with you on top before switching it over and getting on top myself. Either way, I want you to be in charge. Don’t just lie there and do nothing, let me know you’re enjoying it. Don’t be quiet. If I’m on top sit up or lie below me touching my clit or my boobs. If you’re on top choke me. Pinch my nipples or spank me. Watching me and enjoying it is the sexiest thing, but don’t be passive. Be engaged, touch me or talk dirty. Anal, despite everyone pretending they don’t do it, is fun and not as terrifying and monumental as everyone pretends it is.
Some girls I know don’t come from penetration, but I do, so long as the clit is always involved. Don’t neglect it.
Just because most guys finish in five mins from going hard and fast doesn’t mean we do. Warming up is key, starting slow with a gradual buildup, it’s all in the tease. Kiss my neck and pull my hair hard and talk dirty if you’re in the moment. Kiss the tops of the legs slowing moving down. When going down, explore slowly around the outside then slowly go deeper. Don’t forget to use your hands too, rub the clitoris and use your hands as well as your mouth.
Always make sure I’m ready before you start, if I’m on top rub my clit with your hands and going slow and deep is just as good as going faster. Spanking and hair pulling during sex is a must. Keep using your hands to keep me on my toes.
Never neglect the foreplay – light touching over the knickers, grab my bum and kiss my boobs a lot. If you’re going down (you always should) it’s never straight in for the kill, I won’t be ready. Finger me and then make your way down there, keep some eye contact. Go slowly and kiss and breathe on my inner thighs a lot. Tell me how much you want to taste me.
A lot of boys treat my clit or g-spot like a choice, but if you want to make me really come, you’ll do both at once. Start with my clit – light licking and sucking – and when I’m getting into it use your hands and tease my g spot. Slide in your finger and then a couple more. Touch my bum hole a little too. Make it last longer by taking breaks. Reach up and touch my boobs, be forceful with them. Keep going, and start doing both my clit and g-spot in a fast rhythm together until I come. When I squeeze my legs together, always stop.
I’ll be ready for penetration when you’ve done all of the above. Always make sure I’m really wet. If you’re on top, rub your pelvis against my clit – apply a lot of pressure, go deep and go really slow. If I’m on top, lie back and touch my clit with me. Or sit up, or get up on your elbows, put my nipples in your mouth and grind against my clit until I get there.
Always mix it up with positions. Throw in some surprises. Rimming is really hot if the vibe is right. Be rough and talk dirty, there’s nothing better than waking up in the morning knowing you’ve been really thrown around the night before. And remember girls really, really crave sex in the morning.
When the moment arises where you think I want penetration. I don’t. Explore the outer areas of my body before even thinking about going in. This applies to fingers and penises alike. Use soft, circular touch around the clitoris with your fingers or tongue, I’m not fussy, for as long as it takes to get me dripping wet. When invited in, you are welcome. Once we have an official D in V situation, touch and grope my boobs and bum… the clit got all the TLC, now it’s time to get rough. When I’m close there’s one key trigger to the big orgasm finale: say something dirty and tell me you’re loving it. Job done.
The best way to heat things up is by being a total tease: there’s nothing sexy about going in too hard and fast. Vary the way you kiss me – and where. The longer the build up, the more I’m going to want it, so start slow by rubbing my clit gently. Be patient, it’ll be worth it. Slowly increase the pace and pressure until I’m about to come. I’ll pull away and go down on you. The important thing is to delay climax for as long as possible, so just as you’re about to come that’s the best time to return the favour. Again, keep it gentle. When it comes to penetration, take control. There’s no bigger turn-off than a guy who doesn’t know what he wants, or how to get it, but listen. If I say you’re being too hard, you need to slow it down. Vary the positions a couple of times, and make sure you pay attention to my boobs and kiss me every now and then. Just as you’re about to finish, rub my clit some more and we can come at the same time.
It’s already been said, but go down on girls. All the time. And if you finish having sex and I didn’t come, finger me and go down on me afterwards until I do. I’ll love you for it, for putting me first, and for truly caring if I finish. The worst thing is having a girl thinking that you think that your orgasm is more important than hers. And when you do, keep those fingers away. And some nipple rubbing while you’re licking me out doesn’t hurt either.
A really sexy way of doing it that is amazing foreplay is oral sex on all fours… that way you have easy access to the ass. Having your ass eaten is pretty fucking great and sexy, and you can easily play with the clit too, leading to a hefty orgasm. Obviously, test the waters and ask whoever you do it with if she’d be okay with it. But I can’t see why anyone wouldn’t be.
Obviously each time is different. But it’s easy to follow some basic guidelines in order to make a girl come. For me, you have to build it up. Don’t rush in there. A good time for sex is like 20 minutes. Any less and I’m still thinking about it, any more and it starts to drag a bit.
The clitoris is a great thing. Use it, and use it well – not too much pressure and certainly not dry, but small wet circles to begin with and you will have her begging for more. Kissing is also great at this stage, plus if she touches you too then you both get worked up.
I’m not impartial to nipple biting either – it feels great. Some girls can come through nipple stimulation, and I am not one of them, but it still adds so much.
Right so clit, check, nipples check, kissing check. Now it’s okay to penetrate. She’s wet, it’s all good. Give it a firm push in so that first hit satisfies all the anticipation which came before. I can’t come from sex alone, there has to be some external stuff going on (which is why spooning and touching is great), but if you’re gonna go down on me it won’t hurt if you slip a finger in – the outside and inside combination is a sure fire way to get me to come. And I can go over and over and over.
Just don’t look me in the eye while you’re down there.