What it feels like getting both your nipples pierced

The New York City Health Department recently reported that “21 percent of young adults are pierced with jewelry somewhere other than an earlobe.” I can officially say I’m a statistic because I just got both my nipples pierced.

No, it didn’t hurt that bad. No, my mom doesn’t know (yet). No, it wasn’t weird having a stranger handle my boobs. Yes, I pierced both of them. Yes, they are still sore. Yes, they are super cool. Don’t ask me if you can see them.

I’ve been wanting to get them pierced for a while but it was only after a friend told me she got hers done that I finally convinced myself to do it.

There was no weighing the pros and cons, no going back and forth from “I can totally do this” to “Nope,” and no excessive googling about all the possible side effects. I didn’t want to find out there’s a chance of dying from nipple piercings thank you very much.

It was a hot and humid summer’s day and after prepping myself with a bloody mary and ice cream I headed to the parlor. Alone.

“So, I’m here to get my nipples pierced,” I said subtly while pointing to the twins.

It wasn’t until I read through all the warnings and signed all the papers that the nerves hit. But they weren’t the “What am I doing to my body” sort of nerves I expect my mother to say, they were the concerned “Ouch how much is this going to hurt my poor nipples” nerves.

As I waited for my friend I sipped on my iced lemonade and sucked on the chocolate they gave me at the parlor so I wouldn’t faint, all the nerves went away and I just wanted to get it over with so I could flaunt them.

We were guided down to the dungeon where the magic happens and after my friend got her rook (don’t ask I didn’t know where that was either) pierced, I was up.

The minutes leading up to me having to take my top off resembled an awkward one night stand. Do I just take it off now? Is he going to take it off me? Do I just leave it on?  

I sat there patiently and watched as he prepped the needles (chills) and brought out various barbell sizes to choose from because he didn’t know my nipple size. He ended up choosing the smaller ones.

“OK you can take your top off,” he told me. I did.

He then began to prep my breasts by cleaning, measuring, and getting them in their prime position.

“If you get excited it’s extra,” he said and I giggled while secretly worrying I was going to “get excited.” I didn’t.

I laid back on the weirdly comfortable seat, topless and braless, and waited.

“Ready?”

Ready.

I closed my eyes and clutched the tiny monkey I was given to hold. I thought to myself: This is what you get when you do things and you’re single – you get tiny monkeys to hold rather than guys.

And in goes the needle into my left nipple.

The pain wasn’t exactly painful. It was more like a feeling of discomfort – the exact feeling you get when a guy bites your nipples a little too hard. You endure it because you want to be there in that moment but would much rather they stopped.

So after nipple number one was successfully pierced and waiting with a giant needle in it for a barbell, it was nipple number two’s turn. It was the same feeling except this time I knew what I was getting.

Next the barbells went in and the giant needles came out. My eyes were still closed and my hands were still clutching the tiny monkey.

“Have a look.”

The first look would have been easier to handle if there wasn’t blood involved. Apparently it’s normal for one of the nipples to bleed so I sucked it up and checked myself out. Not gonna lie, they looked hot.

I wasn’t aware I had to put a bra on afterwards so I was awkwardly stitched up with paper towels and tape and sent on my way.

The only thought you have after getting your nipples pierced: You think everyone is looking at them – and with giant bandages sticking out of my tank top they probably were.

A week later and I’m forcing myself to wear a bra 24/7 until they heal. Yes, even while I sleep. I don’t want to imagine what will go wrong if too much boob squishing happens while I sleep. But, I do it for the day I can finally wear a crop top braless.

Until then I will curse this underwire.

@elenimitzali