Emotionally cheating is as hurtful as sleeping with someone else

When we think about cheating, it’s usually in reference to a physical and sexual infidelity. But emotionally cheating on someone can break down the relationship in a more hurtful, irreversible way.

Don’t get me wrong – to be physically cheated on is awful, the trust you spent so much time building is gone in an instant. However, the sexual contact is often dismissed as “a reckless impulse”, “a drunken mistake” or “a complete fuck up”. It was a one time thing that “didn’t mean anything”.

But the emotional cheat is drawn out, it’s a long painful process that you often can’t do anything to prevent. The trust breaks down over a long period of time, week by week, as you witness your partner investing more of their time in someone else.

Sometimes, it’s not even concealed. They may actively give someone else more of their time and attention than they give to you, without worrying that you could catch on. They may have given up on your relationship but drag you along for the stability.

If they kiss or sleep with someone else, understandably your trust issues will go through the roof. But even if there is no physical infidelity, no matter how much you will try to forget the times you caught them hiding messages or lying about who they’d met for lunch, it’ll always be there in the back of your mind. It comes down to disloyalty and disrespect existing in all different forms, but there’s an underlying distrust as a result of any form of cheating.

An emotional affair still requires you to lead a secret life, just like you would do in a physical affair. No matter what your intention is, if you quickly lock your phone before your partner can see the messages you’re sending or who you’re stalking on Instagram, it’s a form of deceit.

Yes, we’re all entitled to a private life, perhaps holding deep personal issues from your other half which you don’t feel comfortable talking about. But the problem lies at the fact that you hide your communication with another for a reason, knowing that your partner would be upset and hurt if they could see what you were doing.

If you wouldn’t want them to know, it’s wrong.