Your summer guide to explaining why you’re still single
Mum please stop
Coming home for the summer holiday means you’re surely going to be asked the same questions by your friends and family about a million times. How your studies are going, are you eating OK, what are you going to do after graduation – the list goes on. But the conversation always seems to turn towards the subject of if I’ve met a fella yet. It seems to be quite the area of preoccupation for both relatives and neighbours alike. Once, an old friend’s mom basically told my mom that if I didn’t have a boyfriend I was probably just being a slut (because I can’t just be single and normal?).
These conversations can have varying degrees of awkwardness, the worst being when it’s with a relative who you haven’t spoken to since the last time you had this chat. There are a myriad of ways to respond when hounded with this question, the easiest being a small sigh accompanied by a ‘no’. However, as a happily single gal, this feels a bit to Bridget Jones for me. If you’re also at a loss when asked this by thirty wine drunk relatives at a family wedding, here’s a couple answers to keep in your arsenal, ready for a moment’s notice.
‘It’s hard to meet people in the silent section of the library’
This one is fab, because, when said with a smile, it covers a large number of issues with being hounded about landing a significant other. Because it’s funny, people tend to laugh and forget they were going to lament your spinster status (unless you’re my mom, who very ‘helpfully’ offered some suggestions on how to pick men up in the silent section of the library). It also says “I’m actually at university for something besides an MRS degree” without being actually rude. Usually after this, you’ll get asked about your courses and grades, so if that’s a topic you’re also looking to avoid, this is probably not the best option for you.
‘I’m still holding out for (insert name of entirely unrealistic celebrity here)’
I usually go with Prince Harry. People like that because we’re both gingers, and then we spend 5-10 minutes discussing the colour of my hair. If you’re looking for a bit of controversy, you could say someone who’s definitely too old for you, like George Clooney or Hugh Grant. But whoever you go with, make sure your target audience knows who they are. This is especially great with women who are your mother’s age, because they usually just say something like “oh my gosh he is very cute. If I was younger…” The downside is that they might think that the actual reason you’re single is that you spend all your time reading celebrity gossip and don’t meet living breathing people.Very fit tbf
Literally just make someone up
This is probably best reserved for high school boyfriends and that creepy guy you haven’t actually spoken to in five years, but faithfully PMs you every year on your birthday. Or just pretty much anyone who won’t whip out their phone and ask for a last name. Although I’ve never used this (so I can’t actually speak to its effectiveness), I imagine if you’re really tired of people bothering you about this it could work. Just make sure it doesn’t get too elaborate, because that sounds like the start of a bad rom com.
Spoiler alert: it ends up with you paying some dude from tinder to pretend to be your boyfriend.
Or, if you’re really really desperate for the inquisition about your love life to stop, you could get inappropriately drunk and tell your aunts and uncles the extended history of your love life at university. That’s probably more than anyone ever wanted to know, and then they’ll never ask you about it ever again.
Aziz Ansari talks about the sexual misconduct allegations against him for the first time
‘I hope I’ve become a better person’
In a gig on Monday night, Aziz Ansari talked for the first time about the allegations of sexual misconduct made against him last year. During a massively oversubscribed gig at Village Underground in New York, Ansari said he hopes he has "become a better person." Vulture first reported the comments. The site said Ansari led…
Instagram now tells people when you screenshot, so just throw away your whole damn phone
Who thought this was a good idea!?
by Caroline Phinney
Lately, Instagram has sucked for a lot of reasons: posts are no longer in chronological order, influencers are reportedly being screwed out of money, and now, on top of everything else, Instagram alerts someone when you take a screenshot. Is nothing sacred?! Long gone are the days of snapping pics of your ‘friends’ and then…
People are slamming Bumble for an ‘abusive’ ad campaign involving painting endangered elephants
“No one should even consider climbing on an elephant’s back”
by Nian Hu
Bumble recently launched in India and celebrated with a launch party at City Palace in Jaipur. Instagram posts and stories reveal that the CEO Whiteny Wolfe Herd and various celebrities were in attendance. Several photos of the event show elephants being ridden with the Bumble logo painted on their faces. According to PETA Executive Vice…