Steps for regaining self confidence post heartbreak
Losing another person does not have to mean losing yourself
First thing is first, it’s time to cleanse. Let’s face it–you sit and look at those pictures thinking about the ‘good old times,’ and wow is it like stabbing yourself in the wound. Take one last look, because it’s time to store those away.
Get rid of the photos
If deleting them feels too extreme, who could blame you? Those memories happened. Trying to erase them might not do much good, and could lead to some later regret. Transferring them onto your computer and into a specific file might be your best bet.
Get them off your timeline
Click the unfollow on twitter, remove them as a friend on Facebook, and stop stalking their Instagram.
Sometimes you want to avoid the drama of un-friending. You’re in luck! Facebook has evolved over the years, and now it’s even easier than ever to avoid those gut wrenching pics and posts. Head to their profile, and under the following tab inside their header, click the drop down and select unfollow. This gives you leeway to stalk when you feel necessary (try not to give in), but not unwillingly see their face the second you check your timeline.
These steps may seem cruel and unnecessary, but you won’t be feeling that way after seeing your ex post with their new boo. Regardless of how bad the break up went, this step is necessary to push your mind past the memories and focus on yourself. Plus, no one said you couldn’t add them back once the wounds have healed.
Clear the drawers out
Cleansing doesn’t just come in the form of a website. Yep, that means clear the drawers out because it’s time to return all those clothes and miscellaneous items tying you down to them. Don’t bother including the anniversary presents and Tiffany’s necklace, as much as you may not want them; I can guarantee they don’t either. Toss them in a box and stick it in the closet for safe keeping.
Next on the agenda, pamper time
Reschedule the appointments, call in sick to work or school, and throw on that outfit that makes everyone do a double take. This is your day and nothing can ruin it. It is important to show love to your body and inner being to establish that self confidence you might have lost during the break up.
After the completely necessary ‘drowning yourself in Ben & Jerrry’s while binge watching Netflix in a dark room’ phase, break out the work out clothes and hit the gym! Nothing ups your mood like releasing some endorphins. Plus, this gives you the opportunity to release some anger that might have come with the breakup. Why binge on Ben when you can binge on some squats? Plus that plump booty will boost your confidence like never before.
Try a new hair style, paint your nails a bright color, or buy those shoes you’ve been eyeing. Retail therapy is real, and let me tell you, sometimes money can buy (temporary) happiness.
Let’s face it, THOSE nights are going to happen.
It’s been some time since the break up, and things aren’t going as bad as you expected. At least until one little thought, picture, or song comes up and seems to completely wipe away all of your progress. This is going to happen. If not one time, then a hundred times.
Take some breaths because you will get through it and come out prospering even better than before. Here’s a little playlist to help push through the tears and input some inner confidence. No one is more strong and independent than Yoncé herself–breathe in the lyrics and start looking up.
Shift your focus
This is the most important step of them all. Try that new hot yoga class you’ve been thinking about, join a book club, take on more hours at work–anything to move your mind from what just happened to what could happen. Often time friends and family are the best people to turn to in these times because they know you well enough to distract you and even help you crack a smile.
The future may not seem bright right now, but time does heal everything. Fake it till you make it, and plaster that smile on your face even if your insides are crying. Before you know it, three months will have passed and you’ll realize they haven’t crossed your mind.
It is important to remember that losing a single person in your life is not the equivalent of losing yourself, regardless of their role in your life. You decide the steps to take, and you are in charge of your own destiny. Whether that is to live in denial and address the pain, or be grateful for the memories and take the loss as a learning experience.
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