Balancing your first year of college and your mom’s cancer diagnosis

In today’s world, we often forget to take a moment to think or appreciate what we have. We always hear the phrase, “Life is short,” but never truly listen to that statement. As college students, we get so caught up in worrying about our future that we don’t necessarily focus on what we have at the moment.

We suddenly realize that what we thought were big problems really aren’t even worth worrying about. But it usually takes an important experience or hardship to realize this.

For 19-year-old Abby Morelli, the statement “life is short,” suddenly meant a lot more on December 18, 2013, when her life took a turn. Her day went from being a normal school day to a day that she would never forget.

It was a late afternoon, when she had just gotten home from school and was talking in the kitchen with her mom. Her mom, Beth Morelli, said she had something to tell her. She had gone into the doctors for a mammogram and told Abby that they found “some stuff.” Abby said in that moment, her mom did not even have to say the word before tears started rolling down both of their faces.

Abby was told that they had caught the cancer early enough and everything would be just fine. The plan was for her mom to have the surgery, go through some chemo and it would all go back to normal. And with high school graduation approaching and college being right around the corner, Abby had her hands full planning out her future.

She went on to spend her first semester at Gettysburg College, getting involved in all sorts of different things. She decided to go in undecided but was leaning towards English or Psychology. Abby wrote for and became the editor-in-chief for Gettysburg’s Odyssey Team, played on the intramural basketball team, and also joined the club lacrosse team. Her mom was still getting treatment, as the cancer had metastasized to her lungs, but the tumors had been shrinking.

“We were all so hopeful, so I wasn’t worried about going to school; I just made sure I went somewhere close to home,” Abby said.

But that mindset all changed on December 30, 2016, the day that her mother was hospitalized unexpectedly. She received a text from her father telling her the news. The cancer had spread to her brain and the tumors were only getting bigger.

Abby debated on whether going back to school after Christmas break was over or staying at home with her mother was the right option. The doctors said that her mom would be back in the hospital and doing even worse within the next two weeks. But that did not stop Abby from losing hope. She decided that going back to school was the right decision and would keep living as though everything normal.

From the start of the second semester Abby began the struggle of balancing with college work and going home every weekend. Abby described the second semester as much different than her first.

“While I was at school, all I wanted to do was be at home. It was all I could think about. I couldn’t focus, and coming home every weekend to visit cut up a lot of my time.”

But with determination and unimaginable hard work, Abby figured out how to manage the situation and successfully finish her first year at college. She said that she used her decision to go back to school as her motivation to not fail.

“Knowing that I would get to see my mom at the end of the week, and knowing that I came back to school for a reason, and I had to do my absolute best despite everything going on or it wouldn’t be worth it gave me the motivation I needed.”

Now that Abby is home for the summer, she is able to manage her time much easier. She babysits during the day Monday through Friday, and spends most nights at home with her parents and younger siblings. She said her family has gotten a lot closer in the sense of spending more time together and appreciating each other more.

For a 19-year-old girl, this is all a lot to handle no matter what the circumstance is. Abby explained that her other issues seem so trivial compared to what her mother is going through.

“Sometimes I feel like I have to walk on eggshells with the things I ask or say or do.”

Most college kids are using this time in their life to explore the world and be independent. But for Abby, that is not the case.

“I feel more dependent and chained down than ever,” Abby said. “No one expects to fear losing their mom at such a young age. And now, its all i think about; every decision I make revolves around the situation.”

The situation is by far the hardest thing she has gone through, drastically changing her lifestyle. Seeing her mother and father cry more in the past few months than she has seen in her entire life is something that no girl wants to see. Abby explained that her dreams are just less attainable at the moment.

“I’m trying to balance being a young adult, making memories with friends, going to school, and finding my path in life, while also spending as much time as possible with my mom because we don’t know what is going to happen.”

Right now, Abby’s mom is doing the best she can. She struggles everyday with the situation that she has been put in. Her muscles have completely atrophied, therefore she has lost the ability to walk on her own or sit up by herself. She has limited use of the entire left side of her body due to the position of the tumors on her brain. Abby said that she sleeps most of the day, has seizures every couple days, sometimes even multiple times a day.

But yet despite the entire situation, Abby described her mother as having an amazing emotional and mental state. Her mother has been an inspiration with her patience, laid-back personality, and kind heart.

“Now while I still remember her for all of those things I see unbelievable strength in her that I only hope I could someday emulate,” Abby said.

Abby is trying to do her best to help out her father with everything she can. She described that this whole experience has brought out a whole new side of him.

“He is so patient and so selfless; he has dropped absolutely everything- work, golf, going out with friends- to stay home and be my mom’s 24/7 caretaker. He has slept on the couch every night for the past six months just so she wouldn’t have to spend a moment alone,” Abby said.

Abby’s advice to everyone is to spend time with our parents because we will never know how lucky we are to have them. She said a lot of the time her family will just sit and watch TV and talk with her mom. Watching Jeopardy has proven to become the new tradition in their household every night, competing with each other for the most answers right.

The Morelli family is by far an inspiration to so many people in the Berks County community. If you ever see Abby walking around, she always has a smile on her face. She sure is a one-of-a-kind kid and has been a special friend to me, inspiring all of us with her courage and perseverance. As of right now, she is leaning towards staying home and taking classes at Penn State Berks this coming year.

“Put the people you love first always,” Abby said. “You can’t predict whats going to happen to you, so make sure that throughout every moment of your life, you’re doing something that makes you happy or surrounding yourself with people who make you happy.”

@morgkola