Everything I learned from being cheated on

When I found out he cheated on me I didn’t want it to be true, so I believed anything he would say to try and make it up. He would tell me that it would never happen again and say how much he loved me, and I thought this was okay. I thought I was “in love” and I was oh so very wrong. I was experiencing a form a pain and anger that I never have before, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it.

It’s terrible. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world. Although being cheated on feels like the complete end of the world, it has taught me a whole lot. Eventually, after pints of ice cream, hours of sappy movies, and long “in my feels” playlists I moved on and learned some important lessons from this experience.

You have to love yourself first 

I put all my time and effort into that relationship, so when it ended I realized I was doing everything and anything for him at a cost. I continuously put my love into this guy and once you’ve experienced the pain of being cheated on, you understand why you need to love yourself first. The only way to get over a loss like this is to be there for yourself and do things for you. As Tom and Donna say from Parks and Rec., “treat yo self”. We need to love ourselves before we can truly love someone else.

I was insanely codependent 

This was not the easiest thing to learn but in the end I’m happy I did. I depended on his opinions to validate if I was good enough. No matter what I did, I thought that it wasn’t good enough or I wasn’t enough. This was definitely the hardest part because when he did cheat I thought it was because of me not being enough. After some time and reflecting, I realized that some people are just asses. He chose to cheat and it was not my fault at all.

Before the cheating

Your friends are there for you no matter what – even if you act stupid

Honestly this is pretty self explanatory. Your friends are gonna be there when you call them crying at three in the morning trying to understand what happened, and they’re gonna be there when you contemplate egging his car. When I thought it was a good idea to trust him again and go back they still supported the idiotic decision. They had my back through everything and I couldn’t be happier to have that type of support system. My friends are the shit.

Some of my amazing friends

You will get over the pain 

I kept telling myself that I would never get over this and that I would feel like absolute shit forever. I felt like I would drown in my tears and choke from the amount of sobbing I did. You feel like nothing much worse can happen but things do start to feel better. Nothing is forever.

Late late nights

You have to forgive

Even if the person doesn’t deserve it, you have to forgive to be able to move on. Holding on to someone who hurt you will just continuing hurting you even if you’re not with them. Being able to let go and forgive shows a true strength.

The birthday text I got after I found out

You can still love the person who cheated on you 

It sounds crazy, but it is true. If I’ve had love for that person once I’m going to still love them no matter the circumstances. You may not be in love with that person, but you can still have love for them. Yes I care about him still, and I wish him the best in whatever he does. It’s just not worth the time to be angry, and I’m just not that type of person.

Lunch with my ex

Hope for the best, but expect the worst 

I’ve learned this from many situations but after this one I have used it much more. In so many situations you have these expectations, but they never seem to go as planned. After this relationship I knew that I would want to keep a guard up when trying to meet new guys, but you can’t do it. Yes keeping a guard up is okay, but you need to be able to let new people in. As I say, hope for the best in the situation, but be prepared for anything bad to happen.

Receiving flowers from someone

Time truly heals 

It takes time for any bad situation to pass. I didn’t want to wait because I was done feeling so awful for so long, but eventually it goes away and it’s the best feeling in the world. Time will take care of everything, and while the time is passing you are now capable of meeting new people.

happy happy happy (featuring my brother)

Everything happens for a reason

Yes, this is super cliché, but it’s true. There’s a reason why I met him and as much as I hate to say it, there was a reason he cheated on me. I may not know it, but it was meant to happen for me to move on to something even better. I often fail to believe this sometimes because I wonder why something bad would happen to any good person, but you have to be okay with it. It may feel like the worst thing in the world at the time, but you are able to get through it.

Happy where I’m at in life

@TheTab