Everything guys need to stop saying to queer girls
‘You’re too hot to be gay’
I know, I know, there’s no need to comment. But a lot of people do. Here are the worst things you can say to queer girls, so next time you feel yourself saying one – stop.
“You don’t look gay”
Not even when I’m kissing my girlfriend? OK.
People say this as if it’s a huge compliment, but what they are actually saying is “You don’t fit the extremely old fashioned, stereotypical image I have of girls who like girls. Where is your double denim and mullet?” It’s 2016, people. And, FYI, if you wear double denim and have a mullet, that’s wonderful. No mullet shaming here. It’s just that not all ladies who like ladies, present themselves in the same way. Just like not all straight people look the same.
So, on behalf of nearly all queer gals out there, I’d like to say thank you to all of the sweet people who have taken the time to tell us we don’t look gay. I would say that you look very single, but it would be very rude of me to make assumptions about you and your personal life based on how you present yourself.
I’m the girl. And so is my girlfriend. I don’t want to alarm anybody, but that’s kind of the point. We’re both girls. Let me break it down a little bit: when you’re a girl, in a relationship with another girl, they’re usually no men involved. What people are actually saying is “we live in a patriarchal society which idolises men as the dominant figures in romantic relationships, but you’re two girls, so where are the men? I don’t understand. One of you must have to pretend to be a man for any kind of functional relationship to work”.
Just like any other couple, we find our own dynamics in the relationship, but this isn’t linked to our gender. Just because I have long hair and wear make up, doesn’t mean I should be instantly boxed into the “femme” category. It’s the same when I’m dating a guy. We’re both figuring out how to work in a relationship, so we don’t need external sexism putting extra pressure on us.
‘You just haven’t met the right guy yet’
Lemme stop you right there. Firstly, you have no idea what our sexual orientation is. We could’ve dated guys or we could be currently dating a guy for all you know. Please stop being so rude and presumptuous. Secondly, I’m afraid even the most beautiful penis in the world (pretty sure that’s an oxymoron right there) could not ‘change’ the sexual orientation of somebody. It’s the same way a beautiful piece of camembert doesn’t make a vegan need to eat cheese.
FYI, we’re not just dating girls to pass the time until we find ourselves ‘the right man’. Thirdly, and very hypothetically, if there was such thing as ‘the right man’, I’m pretty sure you’d be as far away from it as humanly possible. We’re dating whoever we’re dating because it makes us happy, so just stop.
‘How do you have sex?’
Ahhh we don’t actually. We just roll around on the floor together in our checkered shirts, listening to Tegan and Sara whilst flicking through the B&Q catalogue deciding what power tool to buy next. Seriously.
When is it ever OK to ask a complete stranger about their sex life? I’m not going to talk about my sex life just so you can get a semi, whilst fetishising my sexual orientation. Just because we’re queer, you assume we enjoy talking about the intimate details of our personal life, because you’re too vanilla spice to even contemplate how two women have sex? If you literally have no idea about what women could possibly do together, then you should probably not be sexually active. I also feel incredibly sorry for your girlfriend, cause she must be feeling pretty unsatisfied right about now.
‘It’s so hot when two girls kiss, can I join you?’
I’ll say it again. A top tip for not being a general twat is to stop fetishising other people’s sexuality. Surprising as it may be, we’re not queer because you think it’s ‘hot when two girls kiss’. I mean credit to you for drastically overestimating how elaborate my life is. Can you imagine if we fell in love with the people we do, just in hope that one day, a spotty, skinny white boy will tell us how hot we look when we kiss in public? Because, obviously, that is the dream.