Your worst holiday romances revealed

From clubs in Croatia to bars in Barcelona, fuckboys are everywhere. To celebrate the anniversary of your post-A-Levels trip to Zante, we’ve lined up some of the very worst stories of romance abroad – anonymous so as to protect the wronged and the guilty.

Scottish Scrub

I went to Tenerife with my girls and there were these Scottish lads staying with us. One of them fell for me and told my mates that he thought I was amazing. He was pretty hot so I was like ‘why the hell not’ and went for it. We spent a lot of time together and it was great – we were both single and enjoying ourselves and he was genuinely nice and interesting. We both returned to the UK and, because I just can’t leave anything alone, I stalked him on Facebook. Turns out he was lying about being single.

His girlfriend even had the same name as me.

The Stalker

I met this guy at the Fringe last year. We got on really well and I was travelling at the time. It got weird when he decided to follow me all the way to Vienna. I mean, that was just a bit intense considering we’d just met. We didn’t last.

Camera Guy

We were in Tenerife and were invited to a table with a group of Russian guys. They seemed friendly enough. It got weird when we realised they were filming us on this tiny camera. It was even weirder considering that they kept talking about the army. We had no idea what was going on and despite repeatedly asking them to stop, they kept bringing out this tiny spy camera. It’s funny in retrospect, but I still wonder what the hell they were up to.

Tits Up

I was in a club in Magaluf (classy, I know) and I was fucking smashed. I was really eager to talk to this guy who was smiling at me. I thought he was interested because I was such a fabulous dancer and, I don’t know, he was fit and I fancied getting off with him. Anyway, I realised in my drunken haze that one of my tits had slipped right out of the knitted bralette top I was wearing. I was so embarrassed and drunk I started crying.

Peep Show

I was camping in Mexico and caught a super creepy guy chatting with some of the guys in our group. We were camped next to the shower block where a girl was showering topless. They told me they saw him rewatching this video of the girl on his phone the whole time they were chatting.

Underage Rage

We were on an orchestra tour when I was 18 and, as it was the last night, I got super drunk. So drunk that I woke up spooning with a boy who I later realised was only 15. My friends have never let me live it down.

Spiky Personality

I was Interrailling and we met a guy from some unnamed Eastern European country. His English was really good and he had a pretty big bottle of vodka that eased the pain of the long journey. We got to Berlin and I thought I was in love. But then he started making all these really awful jokes about spiking girls drinks and it all crumbled. Vodka was not worth the disgusting attitude and awful jokes.

The Secret Girlfriend

When I was 16, I had a two week holiday romance and at the time I thought I was in love. I even lost my virginity to him, which was a big thing. We swapped numbers, planned to meet up and texted for a month. Until one day I saw on his Twitter that he had a girlfriend who he had been hiding all this time. She found out about me, which caused World War III. She followed me on all social media and began arguing with me. To this day, three years later, she still stalks me and hates my life.

It All Went Thong

I was 16 and on my first proper holiday without my parents. We discovered that the neighbouring balcony had a room of boys and I quickly fell head over heels for one of them. I wanted to look sexy for him, and thought the best way to do that was sit nonchalantly on the balcony, pretending to be on my phone, while wearing just a thong and a t-shirt. As it turns out, he wasn’t that interested. I stood there wearing a thong waiting for him while he got off with other girls.

Well, That Was Fast

Met a fuckboy in Ibiza, we fell in love over a double vodka coke. He sold me some MDMA and he told me he’d marry me. I wish we could get back in touch. We had sex in the lift of my hotel it was the best 15 seconds of my life.

@TheTab