Girls, we need to stop assuming that guys will pay for our dates

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Girls, we need to stop assuming that guys will pay for our dates

Expecting to be wined and dined on his pocket doesn’t exactly fit with the fight for equality

A few days ago I saw a video shared by love/dating guru Matthew Hussey, where a woman in the audience asks for his advice. She asks him; “After a couple months of seeing a guy, at what point in the relationship should the woman start to pay for dinner?” All of the women in the audience don’t seem to have any problem with her question, all replying in a chorus of “yes” when Hussey asks them if they all agree with the lady, that men should always pay, at least for the first few months?

However, he shuts them right down. Why should men always have to pay? We as females talk and talk about feminism and gender equality, and get offended if a man ever suggested that we were anything less than equal, but it’s generally thought as very rude and ungentlemanly if a man suggests we split the bill? Why is this exactly?

I’m a proud person. I like paying my own way and don’t believe that men should be the ones footing every bill. It’s a nice gesture if they offer, sure, but I still insist that we split the bill. Expecting someone to foot the bill for your lovely meal just because of their gender is different to letting them pay because they want to treat you.

It’s very anti-feminist to go on a date assuming you won’t have to pay a penny because you’re a female. Back in the 1900s maybe, it would’ve been acceptable to have this way of thinking, but back then we didn’t even have the right to vote. If we’re expecting equality then surely we should appreciate that equality doesn’t just come into play when it suits us.

I’m not saying that guys are are in the wrong for offering to pay for everything on a date; it’s a nice gesture. From my own experience I’ve never actually had a guy let me pay, as much as I argue with them that we’re going to split it. It can’t be just me that feels so so guilty seeing them hand over the cash to pay for my meal. I make myself feel a bit better by just paying for cinema tickets or whatever before they have the chance to, or just sneakily get a round of drinks when they’re in the toilet. Then I feel more at ease that I’ve done my bit.

I’ve always reckoned for guys, it’s more a masculinity thing, and after speaking to a few, it seems to be the case. I asked a number of guys about their opinion on the matter and whilst they do agree that girls shouldn’t assume- they all still firmly believed that the guy should pay anyway.

Reason behind it? Well according to them it’s the polite thing to do. “Typically it’s the guy that’ll ask the girl out on a date, so it’s only right for them to pay in my opinion” said one of my friends, and another chimed in with “guys traditionally are the bread earners, it’s our way of showing we can look after you”.

It seems that there’s no problem in them actually paying for it, but more the assumption.

One guy I spoke to told me of a bad experience he once had on a date; “A few years ago I took a girl out and she thanked me for paying before we had even ordered any food, indicating I was supposed to pay before the date even started

“That was the first of many, but the most damning indication that she was not a very nice person and not worth pursuing a relationship with as her time was worth more than mine would ever be. I don’t mind paying, but it’s the assumption itself that poisons the date.”

We wouldn’t expect our friends to pay for our time when we do stuff together, so why doesn’t the same apply to dating? It’s time to get rid of the old stereotype and make things more equal.

@maredemlynparry