These are all the things that lasted longer than Brock Turner’s sentence


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These are all the things that lasted longer than Brock Turner’s sentence

He served three out of his six months for sexual assault charges

Last January, Stanford student Brock Turner was arrested by police when he was found on top of an unconscious woman after a Frat party. In June this year he was sentenced to serve six months in prison with three years probation, for charges of sexual assault. He had pleaded not guilty, and the convictions had carried a potential sentence of 14 years. Alas, on Friday he is being released after a mere three months.

He was released early because his lawyer says he doesn’t deserve to miss out on the college experience. Yeah, he’s right, it was only sexual assault  – the poor kid doesn’t deserve to miss out on frat nights and sports fixtures. Meanwhile, his Dad has said his son has paid a “steep price… for 20 minutes of action,” which solves the question of where Brock’s ignorant attitude comes from.

Three months is really not a long time once you think about it. We compiled a definitive list of things that lasted longer than Brock Turner’s jail time, after all, he only went down in June.

The Kanye West/Kim K/Taylor Swift feud

This has been going on for far too long now. Technically the hate started in 2009, but this summer it has been blown to epic proportions. It even had hashtags. The best part is, it’s still going on. They’re now frenemies, and it’s weird.

Throwback to poor 2009 TayTay

The average summer romance

As the university summer holidays last for four long months, there’s only so much reading, working and sleeping you can do before even that gets boring. Solution: go to a bunch of festivals, have your fun summer fling and quickly get back to uni before it gets too serious.

Your summer hangover

Still recovering from your six-week long festival bender? You’re not alone. The flashbacks of your time spent with your good friend Mandy will stay with you until Christmas.

The Brexit debate

How this debate is still going when we already made the (terrible) decision to leave the EU is beyond me. Like that ‘casual fling’ you can’t manage to leave, despite telling your mates it’s over, Britain are hanging onto the EU in a fit of regret. It was nearly three months ago that we told them we were going, and even then we’d already been debating the decision for what felt like a lifetime.

Your tan

Remember that heatwave us Brits had in May? Everyone quit their jobs and cancelled their holidays to Benidorm, and we’ve been excitedly building our weak tans ever since.

The Atkins Diet

The Atkins diet fad lasted right the way through the noughties, with countless middle aged women swearing by it’s low-carb rule and supposed metabolic advantages. When size 10 briefly became the new size 12, Atkins was every woman’s solution. The diet itself was never ending, probably because it didn’t actually work. Thank goodness for the millennial attitude of ‘strong is the new skinny’.

My hair dye

I dyed it in June and the roots are only just starting to show now. AKA, if I were Brock Turner I could have gone into jail then with a fresh colour and come out just in time to dye it again.

The US Election

How long have these guys been campaigning and rallying for? It’s exhausting to watch, and I honestly can’t remember a time when we weren’t all hating Trump for something.

Drew Barrymore’s second marriage – but only just

It notoriously lasted a mere 163 days.

Most university summer holidays

Like a lot of students I had my final deadine in May, and I’m still on holiday now. Essentially, all that Brock has missed out on as a result of his conviction is his summer vacation.

Kayla Itsine’s Fitness Plan

Apparently she can help you to get that bikini body, no matter what your starting weight or metabolic rate is in just 12 weeks (for the hefty price of $119 AUD).