Catcalling is the most attractive thing a man can do


babe  • 

Catcalling is the most attractive thing a man can do

Nothing makes a woman feel better than hearing ‘oi oi sexy’ being shouted out of an old Corsa

There’s nothing a woman knows better than that sinking feeling she gets when a car of lads drive past, whistling and beeping at her. Knowing that she’ll never be able to run fast enough to get into the car and engage in a steamy group sex session with those catches is honestly heartbreaking.

Letting a girl know that her booty is on fire or that you want to put your genitals into unmentionable places would probably create more relationships than Tinder if you boys stopped driving so fast. As a tip, when a girl responds to you with “oh fuck off”, she doesn’t actually mean fuck off, she means “Come back, kind stranger, and offer me some more words of affirmation, I really like it.”

You’re making me blush

As a woman, all my validation and self-worth comes from men. I love hearing shouts of “I wanna fuck you” as I’m walking along the street because it makes me feel uplifted and appreciated. Even when the car horns are so startling that I throw my scolding hot cup of coffee all over myself, I don’t mind because seeing a group of boys looking and laughing at me doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable or belittled at all.

The only reason, as far as I can see, of a woman not responding to a catcall is that she’s had a lot of it and is already at her optimum self-esteem levels. This is often seen in women in their 20s as 90 per cent of British women are catcalled before they turn 17. There’s a limit to how good men can make women feel about themselves.

How can anyone not take catcalling, also known as street harassment, as a compliment? The dignity and respect with which men execute their well thought out calls is truly flattering. Men, if you want to treat women with respect, shout at everyone you think is pretty. Women love it and because of our self-esteem issues, we’re just thrilled that someone has noticed us.

If you see a woman looking a bit sad, please go over to her and try and cheer her up. A “hey baby, you’d be prettier if you smiled” should do the job. This is not a manipulative and rude thing to say, it definitely does not perpetuate an atmosphere of fear, embarrassment and danger for the woman in question and she most certainly won’t be wondering if the move after a verbal assault is a physical one.

Please tell us we’re pretty

Admittedly catcalling objectifies women, but that’s fine. A woman is just a body after all, right? She’s not a whole intelligent human being. Women are there for men to look at and admire and by catcalling us, you give us value and self-esteem because we are blessed that you find us sexually attractive. Really.

Everyone knows that words are the best way to get into someone’s pants. Shakespeare himself would envy the words of cat callers. Who needs to hear “shall I compare thee to a summer’s day” when it could be a random guy approaching you and calling you ‘baby, ‘honey’ or ‘sweetie’. I’m getting flushed just at the thought of it.

So boys, drive slower, keep honking if you’re horny and shouting your romantic verses at women. Maybe one day you’ll be able to tell your kids that you met their mother because she was so impressed by your eloquence and your old beat up Ford Fiesta.