The ultimate guide to navigating a successful threesome

Let’s be honest – after a while, sex becomes boring and repetitive, especially when it’s always with the same person. People try to spice up their sex lives with things like bondage, lingerie and role play, but the ultimate way to make your sex life more exciting is by adding a third person into the mix.

Threesomes are one of the most common fantasies out there, and it seems that trend is rising. A 2013 survey found that 20 percent of men and women ages 18 to 29 reported having a threesome at least once in their lives, which is up from 14 percent in 2004. Add in the fact most people under-report fetishistic sex acts, and it appears threesomes are a lot more common than we once thought.

If you’re looking for sexual adventure, you’re not the only one. Don’t feel weird or embarrassed for wanting to try a threesome – just experiment with it and have fun.

Step one: The ‘who’

The most important part of the threesome process is choosing who your partners will be. Do you want to be with a guy and a girl? Two girls? Two guys? There are benefits and drawbacks to each. Sure, dicks are nice, but who doesn’t like playing with boobs? Either way, it will be a lot more fun if you’re attracted to both parties.

Once you decide which type of threesome you’re trying for, you need to figure out who will fill those roles. This is where it can get tricky if you’re in a relationship because you’ll need to figure out how to factor your partner into the equation.

If you’re in a relationship

Talk to your significant other and get to know their sexual fantasies. Sit back, relax and enjoy every last erotic detail. Then, share yours with them. If you’re lucky, “threesome” will be on both of your lists and a discussion will ensue. If you’re not so lucky, be willing to try out some of their sex dreams and then ask them to commit to one of yours. If they aren’t into the idea of a threesome, try convincing them to try some other exciting sexual endeavors that don’t involve other people at first.

It’s OK to take things slow and work your way up to threesomes and other more daring sex acts. As you continue trying out your partner’s sexual fantasies and increasing your sexual adventures as a couple, it’s likely that they will be more willing to try fantasies that involve other people. It’s important not to force anyone to do anything that they are uncomfortable with. Encourage your partner to be open-minded, but be respectful of their wishes.

Trust them

DO NOT have a threesome with someone you are in a relationship with but do not fully trust. If you are not 100 percent comfortable in this relationship, there will be tension after the threesome. You need to be able to trust your partner not to fall for the third wheel and they need to trust that you won’t either. The best way to deal with this is by ensuring that the third wheel is a total stranger whom neither you nor your significant other will be able to contact after the threesome. However, friends can also function as the third wheel…if they’re the right friends.

Girl-boyfriend-guy

Some guys are completely down with the idea of sharing their girl with their best bud, as long as they know their girlfriend could never have feelings for him. (They are most secure when their best friend lives far away and is only visiting, or when their girlfriend, aka you, thinks their best friend is a dick.) In this scenario, the third wheel male cannot be a friend of the female because that will most likely stimulate jealousy and irrational concerns on the part of her boyfriend.

Girl-girlfriend-guy

This works best when the male is a stranger or an equally close friend to both you and your girlfriend. If he’s just her friend or just your friend, it won’t work as well because suspicions will arise.

Girl-boyfriend-girl

Girls tend to require a tight bond of friendship to be able to have a threesome together without being competitive or jealous of each other. Think about it: You wouldn’t want your boyfriend loving all up on some other hot chick as you compete with her to please him, right? But if that chick is your best friend, who you know would never go after your man, you’d feel much more relieved.

It feels more comfortable and fun when it’s just you and your best friend messing around to turn on your boyfriend rather than a competition between you and some girl to get your guy off. The best bet here is to start by openly discussing sex with your friends (if you don’t already do that) and see who is interested in threesomes. Then go from there.

Girl-girlfriend-girl

This works best if the third wheel is a stranger. Sometimes it will work well if the third girl is an equally close friend to both you and your girlfriend, but this can also be tricky territory that can lead to jealousy. Better stick to a stranger.

If you’re not in a relationship

Congrats! You won’t have to convince a significant other to let a third person into your relationship’s sex life. BUT, you will have to find two people to convince to have a threesome with you. You could hook up with two strangers, but it’ll be more comfortable for you if you know at least one other person in the threesome.

Female-male-female (FMF)

If you’re looking for a guy and a girl, let’s be honest, it’ll be pretty easy to find a guy who will agree to the threesome. The hard part will be finding one that you like enough to have a threesome with. To find the girl, it’s best to look at your closest friends and see if any of them are interested. That way, it feels like a fun and exciting experience with your best friend rather than a competition between you and a random girl over who can give some dude the best head.

This scenario can also work if you’re friends with a guy and the two of you find a random female to participate. You’d have to feel comfortable with the guy, and he should consider you a valuable friend, but consider her just part of a good story.

Male-female-male (MFM)

For this situation, it is best to find a previous or current friend with benefits and see if he has any friends he’d like to share you with. If not, find a new fuck buddy who does. (Tinder is a great place to start.)

Female-female-female (FFF)

If you’re looking for two girls, the easiest route to take is to find an attractive lesbian couple who is looking to experiment. This will result in one of three scenarios: 1. One of the two will want your help in making the third cum like crazy. 2. They’ll both be completely focused on you. 3. There will be an even rotation. In any case, you shouldn’t feel competitive or uncomfortable.

How to find strangers to participate

This is usually most easily accomplished through apps like Tinder or Bumble that help you “match” with people you find attractive. However, these strangers can also be found at bars and clubs, so maybe go out one night with the other person in the threesome and get the numbers of some people who may be interested. The worst that could happen is someone says they aren’t interested, in which case you just move on. Swingers Parties also exist for couples looking to experiment.

Step two: The details

Schedule a time and a place for the epic threesome extravaganza. Make sure it’s a location with a large enough bed (or enough floor space) and one that all three individuals can easily access. Also, be sure to plan the threesome in advance so that everyone has enough notice. This is when boundaries are discussed so everyone has an idea of what they’re getting into. Boundaries should also be discussed again once everyone arrives as a reminder.

There’s no proper attire, but I’d suggest everyone wear normal clothes over any lingerie they may be adorning unless the group previously discussed otherwise. It’s always nice to have a few drinks and talk beforehand to loosen everyone up (wine is recommended), but if you want, you can dive right in once everyone arrives.

Step three: The ‘how’

So. Many. Positions. Don’t be nervous about going into it. Start off just focusing on one person, probably the one you’re more comfortable with. Kiss and caress each other until it progresses further. The third person will eventually join in somehow. For example, if you’re kissing one guy, the other guy will eventually start playing with your ass or tits and move on from there. Just be confident, relax and go for it. Everything will work out – and don’t worry, no one will feel left out. If you’re still nervous, here are a few positions to consider.

Eat out and jerk off

This is pretty simple. Basically, one girl eats the other one out and the guy jerks off to it. The girl could also switch between the two, giving oral to both parties. This is good for a starting position but not a position that you’d want to be in for a long time.

Nipple suck and oral

This position is very versatile. Person one is the subject of everyone’s attention, person two can suck nipples or make out with person one and person three will give person one oral. All of the people can switch positions, so mix it up and have some fun.

Double frog squat

OK, so the name isn’t too attractive, but this is one of my favorite positions. It’s simple: two girls squat over a guy, one squats on top of his erection and the other squats on top of his face. The ladies can choose which direction they’d like to face. You can either face each other and make out and play with each other’s breasts, or one girl can turn around and give the other a nice show as she moves her ass on the guy’s face or dick.

Sail away

This is like the double frog squat except the girl is laying down, and instead of a girl squatting on top of an erection, the guy fucks the girl missionary-style. The girl being eaten out also has her hands available to rub the other girl’s clit as she’s fucked.

Double blowjob

This can be pretty tiring for your mouth, but guys seem to love it. You just switch between the two guys, sucking one and playing with the other. A lot of guys will ask for this towards the end of the threesome because they want to cum on your face or in your mouth. It’s also relatively common towards the beginning of threesomes.

Missionary and blowjob or jerk off

This one is pretty self-explanatory. One guy gets a blowjob or jerks off while the other guy fucks the girl. This position is nice because your hands are free so you are able to rub your clit during sex. You can also easily hang your head off the bed to deep throat.

Double penetration

Double penetration (DP) is a great position if you like both vaginal and anal sex. Even if anal isn’t your favorite, double penetration feels better than anal by itself. There are also many different positions to perform DP, but the premise is all the same: the girl is sandwiched between two guys with one dick in her vagina and one in her asshole. The guy that is laying down will not be able to move in and out of the girl as easily as the guy who is squatting or kneeling, so if you’d prefer more mobility in your vagina, face the squatting guy, and if you’d prefer more mobility in your ass, face the guy laying down.

You can also do standing DP, which is like standing sex but with another guy coming up behind you and sticking his dick in your ass. Standing DP is a little tougher for all parties involved and requires that the guys have a decent amount of arm strength.

Oral and doggy

Doggy always feels amazing because the guy is able to hit juuuusst the right spot from that angle, and this is an easy position to give a blowjob to the other male. The best part is that if your mouth gets tired or you need to take a break from sucking to catch your breath, your hands are available to continue with a handjob. This position is very easy for all parties involved, so it’s great for first-timers.  It can also be done with one male and two females:

These are NOT the only positions out there. They’re just a few of the most common ones. Feel free to experiment with different positions you come up with.

Step four: The aftermath

OK, so someone is in the bathroom taking off a condom, one person is getting dressed and you’re sprawled out on the bed just relaxing after that exhausting workout…now what? Well, wait for your turn to go to the bathroom – don’t want any UTIs, now do we? – and then put your clothes back on. Someone will inevitably ask a question ranging from, “That tapestry is dope, where’d you get it?” to “Got any plans for the rest of the weekend?” A casual conversation will ensue and pretty soon it will feel like nothing out of the ordinary even happened. Remember: it’s only awkward if you make it awkward.

Threesomes aren’t for everyone, but if you have an open mind and want to try something new, they can be pretty fun. Plus, you’ll have a great story to tell your friends.

@TheTab