The real reason I never want to have kids

diary, IRL  • 

The real reason I never want to have kids

Look, it’s not for everyone

I don’t want kids, yes I’m one of those women.

The thing is, I just don’t enjoy them, and by “don’t enjoy them”, I mean that I find them horrible to be around. I’ve never felt maternal towards children – I find they put me on edge and make me uncomfortable and stressed. The breakdown is; I never know how to act around children, so I find interacting with them daunting rather than fun.

They’re unpredictable creatures, you never know what they could do, what could upset them, how they might react to what you say, and quite frankly that scares me. Where some people might relish the fact that kids can be unpredictable and have wild imaginations, I fear they might not like me and I might upset them, which isn’t something I want to do.

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I do feel like society is accepting of that to some degree, but it is still greeted with questioning, I can never make the statement that I don’t want children and have it stand alone, I’m asked why most of the time. I’m sure people not wanting kids isn’t seen as unusual in 2016, it’s the minority opinion but it’s definitely still seen as a rarity, something that needs to be discussed and validated.

I feel like I’m devoid of something everyone else has, alienated because I was born without something most people had. My opinion is that it’s more okay than ever to not want them, with women focussing more than ever on their careers and other projects, waiting, or making having kids less of a priority.

It doesn’t come up much in conversation, but I walk around carrying the weight and dread of that exact conversation coming up. For anyone wondering, I am also frustrated with discussing my reasons for “child-hating” and defending myself for it. I’ve had countless conversations with new people, mothers especially, where I have to go through my list and see the shock on their faces.

Is it really so unnatural? I’m sure about 98 per cent of the time I’m told, “it’ll change when you’re older”, or “you’re only saying that because you’re young and you don’t want them now, but you will when you’re the right age.”

I hate these responses, why does anyone have the right to police my decisions? What it is to anyone but me, if I don’t have kids? It won’t affect them at all, the world won’t end because I, one woman, don’t reproduce. The only people whose input I care about is that of my friends and family and I’m so proud, glad and happy that my parents respect my choice. 

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But nonetheless, it’s incredibly annoying that people just can’t see that I don’t feel maternal. Some people, do try to convince me I’ll regret not having children when it’s too late; but I won’t mind so much when I’m into my 30’s and 40’s with the spare time and money I’ve always wanted, and the freedom to have my own schedule and only care for my own responsibilities.

I’d much prefer to be able to go out whenever I want and not have time limits on things, to go whenever and wherever I want, without having to be responsible for caring for another human being. I enjoy being spontaneous and making my own decisions without having to do that for someone else. I wish people wouldn’t hassle me so much over the issue because to me it’s so simple. I can do whatever I want and kids change that.

Children require so much work and effort and energy and resources and more – I’m not saying that’s a bad thing at all but I do think that someone should love the idea of that and be prepared for it, it isn’t fair to raise one if you don’t feel that way. Sometimes I come home from work, even at 20, and want to have a 2 hour nap, sometimes I want to watch films all day, with a really unhealthy takeaway instead of cooking and tidying and showering like I should be – and kids take that away from you because you owe them education and care and safety, again, they didn’t ask to be born, but it is what it is.

I don’t hate children, I wish them no harm. But they’re just not for everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not their fault. Children exactly how they’re supposed to (that’s the whole point of being a kid) but it doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it.

Is it just me?

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