Welcome to the era of the evolved fuckboy

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Welcome to the era of the evolved fuckboy

He’s even worse than his ancestors

Everyone’s dealt with a fuckboy in their lifetime, even if it was before knowing exactly what a fuckboy is.  We hear the now well defined term and that special someone comes to mind, equal parts charmer and total flake. The emergence of this definition has equipped us all to spot them, but what happens when they become self-aware and start adapting? How do you spot the Evolved Fuckboy?

The Evolved Fuckboy, unlike his ancestor, will totally be your boyfriend, but you are going to have to deal with some serious repercussions from his past lifestyle. He is most likely post-college, has already held a couple of adult jobs, and already knows everything about just about everything. He is stressed. He needs ample him time. He is very important and has logical reasons for behaviours that are going to seem very fucking familiar.

Don’t post your relationship with the Evolved Fuckboy on social media or expect any acknowledgement from him online. It’s not because he’s ashamed of you, but he really only uses it for marketing and posting about personal life looks unprofessional. Not to hurt your feelings, but he really doesn’t understand your obsession with social media. You are just in two different places in life and he honestly wouldn’t even have Facebook if he could get away from it. Oh, that girl that comments/likes/heart eyes emojis all of his posts and also texts constantly? She’s just a work associate/gym buddy/client.

The Evolved Fuckboy has to focus on his appearance because he is a professional adult now, not because he is vain like his predecessor. He really doesn’t care about looking attractive to anyone as long as you find him attractive. If he could, he would just throw on a t-shirt and shorts, but being an adult means weekly haircuts, $85 workout tanks, and more outfit changes in the morning than the number of outfits you even own. And he’s not going to not look in every mirror he passes – he needs to look presentable. For adult things.

Don’t expect the Evolved Fuckboy to always respond to your texts or answer your calls even though his phone is glued to his hand. He has a lot of work he needs to get done and literally has no time between his job and busy social life. 

The Evolved Fuckboy is not going to introduce you to his family because he doesn’t want to introduce them to someone new unless he is really close to marriage, which you said you weren’t ready for. Yes, you’ve been dating for over a year, and it is perfectly reasonable to meet someone’s family pre marching down the aisle, but he really wants to take this relationship seriously and make sure it is on the right track.

The Evolved Fuckboy needs space to figure things out for the relationship. He is still learning to love and accept himself, so please don’t expect to see him every day. Or hear from him on your days off from each other. He needs to get away from you to know that he can really be with you – honestly this time away from each other is more for you than it is for him. Can’t he just have a couple of weeks by himself in his stressful life? Yeah, he agrees that sounds a lot like a break, but it’s just space – totally different.

This new fuckboy is a feminist. Everyone knows he is a feminist and believes in the empowerment of women. He is so disgusted by how other men sexualise and disrespect women. Yes, he disrespects you, but only when you are really mean and hurt his feelings and therefore deserve it; he is sensitive to the way you treat him, probably because he is such a feminist.

If this sounds eerily familiar, you just might be dealing with a fuckboy in sheep’s clothing. The good news is that these evolved tendencies are preferable to his old ways. He does have a good job, even if you never hear the end of it. He is thinking of the future, even if it is way too often for your taste.

And if he continues this evolution, he may have the strength to grow out of it completely. From Fuckboy to Fuckman.