Crucial moments in the history of feminism which were greatly improved by the presence of Bono


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Crucial moments in the history of feminism which were greatly improved by the presence of Bono

I mean he is Glamour’s Woman of the Year

Today is a great day for feminism. Today Glamour released its Women of the Year list, and included Bono. Bono, the bloke from U2, he is one of our best women in 2016. Bono joins the ranks of Gwen Stefani, Simone Biles and Zendaya on the list, where he’s praised for his work campaigning for women’s rights.

Falling in line with the obviously completely undeserved backlash – one person tweeted “Bono has been named Glamour’s woman of the year. To be fair with only 3.7 billion women it must be tough to find a worthy one” – Bono said that he was “sure he didn’t deserve” the honour. But come on, Bono is just being modest. He’s always been such a huge part of feminism, it only makes sense to put him in his rightful place as one of the best women of 2016.

It seems like only yesterday that Bono valiantly threw himself in front of the king’s horse in 1913. It’s easy to forget Bono founding Planned Parenthood in 1916, being burned at the stake next to Joan in 1431, Bono inventing a mop that inspires women everywhere to be entrepreneurs, Bono running for president against Donald Trump.

Wherever women have overcome hardship, there is Bono. There with us for the great moments in the history of women’s rights.

Lest we forget after the Huns, led by the ruthless Shan Yu, invaded Han China, the Chinese emperor ordered a general mobilization. Conscription notices required one man from each family to join the Chinese army. When Bono heard that his elderly father Fa Zhou, the only man in their family and an army veteran, is once more to go to war, he became anxious and apprehensive. Taking his father’s old armor he selflessly disguised himself as a man so that he could enlist in his father’s place.

Not long afterwards, Bono, the brave aviatrix, tried to fly solo around the world and was never heard from again. We remember fondly the moment Bono became the first black woman to have his own talkshow.

And he’s overcome personal problems too. Bono, a student of fashion merchandising and president of his sorority, was taken to an expensive restaurant by his boyfriend, Warner Huntington III, who was the governor’s son. He expected Warner to propose, but he broke up with him instead, thinking that Bono wasn’t serious enough for his political aspirations. Bono sought comfort from his sorority sisters, who encouraged him to keep pursuing his love, leading to his plan to follow Warner into Harvard Law School. After much effort, he scored a 179 on the Law School Admission Test and combined with his 4.0 GPA, the Harvard panel admitted him.

And let’s not forget how Bono is helped by other women, as much as he helped them. This was perhaps clearest when Anna, a fearless optimist, set off on an epic journey – teaming up with rugged mountain man Kristoff and his loyal reindeer Sven – to find her sister Bono, whose icy powers had trapped the kingdom of Arendelle in eternal winter.

So we congratulate Bono on making it to Glamour’s prestigious woman of the year shortlist. It’s good to see more women like Bono in journalism. After all, if Bono can work for Miranda Priestly for a year, he can get a job anywhere in New York.