Definitive proof that Kim Kardashian would make a better president than Trump

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Definitive proof that Kim Kardashian would make a better president than Trump

The US is ready for a commander-in-chic

America is both ready for and in dire need of a female president. Or at the very least a president who knows how to correctly apply fake tanner and run a business built on identity without filing for bankruptcy like some people.

Kim Kardashian West would make an infinitely better president than Donald Trump. And before you dismiss this as totally ludicrous, kindly Wikipedia who our president-elect is. Kim K would save this country from morphing even further into a rusty dumpster fire and pull us back into the light.

If you please, here are the grounds of my modest proposal:

Kim is the world’s most savvy businessperson

How many failed businesses can our new president claim? Let’s count his imploded ventures: steak sales, a vodka brand, an airline, a casino, a entire fucking university, bottled water (pls google Trump Ice), a board game, Trump Magazine, and a travel site. Jeez.

What has Kim ever failed at other than one self-admittedly terrible dance-pop single? Nothing, tbh. Kim’s even launched businesses that sounds stupid as fuck (Kim-themed emojis, anyone?) and somehow managed to turn it into a multi-million dollar business. She generates a staggering $50 million per year and manages to pay her taxes.

Kim knows way more about geopolitics and domestic policy

Get wise: Kim has been an advocate for policy we’re all crying out for. Here’s just one piece of her gun-control tweetstorm in the aftermath of this year’s tragic Pulse Nightclub shooting in Orlando:

Kim is already holding Congress more accountable than The Orange One ever will. And that’s not all she cares about. Kim is a vocal supporter of Black Lives Matter, funds being allocated to cancer research and for American condemnation of the Armenian Genocide. Check out this epic clapback ad she took out in the New York Times after they allowed a genocide-denying piece to run:

Kim is not a criminal

Guess how many times Kim Kardashian has been accused of sexual assault. Now combine that with her number of fraud trials. Now factor in her child rape accusations. Think about claims that she’s working systemic racism. What number did you get? Zero? Me too! Wish the same could be said of the literal fucking President of the United States.

So grateful for all that you do for our country ?? #HappyVeteransDay

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Nov 11, 2015 at 6:11pm PST

Kim keeps it clean. She doesn’t smoke, drink, grope women against their will, and she’s never been arrested. In fact, her only court appearances have been the result of her being the victim of a crime, which means she’d be all about justice for our nation.

Kim is known and respected by countless world leaders

In her travels, Kim has met several heads-of-state, presidents, ambassadors and even straight-up royalty. Kim has their respect. Too bad the same rule doesn’t apply to our nation’s leader. She has a commanding presence, knows how to lead and isn’t afraid to consult her advisors. Oh, and her advisors aren’t white supremacists.

Kanye would make the ultimate First Gentleman

He’s even more political than his wife and would use his position to affect badass change for this country, especially our impoverished areas. He’s never been wrong, either. Remember when he said that George Bush didn’t care about black people and was totally right?

Happy 4th of July!

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Jul 4, 2015 at 4:26pm PDT

He’s also tight with the Obamas (political cred) and the Carter-Knowles family (Illuminati cred) so he’s sure to command respect wherever he goes. “One Nation Under Yeezy” has an amazing ring to it, don’t you think?

Kim’s family would make the best Cabinet ever

Can’t you see it now? Jonathan Cheban as Press Secretary. Chief of Staff Kris Jenner. Secretary of State Scott Disick!

Gatsby Girls

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Nov 7, 2015 at 1:44pm PST

Instead of filling her Cabinet with white nationalists, Kim would make sure she’s always surrounded by the best and brightest including her sisters (Chief Justice Kylie Jenner, I am begging you), her incredible makeup artists, her coterie of celebrity besties and assorted experts. Because even Kim knows that she can’t do everything on her own.

Kim’s spray tan never looks fucked

Perhaps his more chilling offense, Trump’s inability to blend his fucking bronzer will be the thing to bring our nation to its knees.

Kim has literally never had this problem, even when she was in her Juicy Couture tracksuit phase back in 2009. For god’s sake, does Donald Trump even know how many YouTube tutorials there are dedicated to teaching even the stupidest among us to blend that St Tropez instant tanner bronzing mitt? Surely he can convince Melania to help! Get with the program, Donald. This nation is begging you.

Kimberly Noel Kardashian West is the salvation the country needs but doesn’t deserve. She would implement the changes we need Congress to make, continue Obama’s legacy, set an amazing example for our children and keep positive change coming like it’s Instagram’s terms of service — with liberty and justice and mink eyelash extensions for all.