Every type of girl you are on social media
Snapchat just brings out the ‘woo’ in you
You: Uploads an edited-to-perfection image with picture perfect makeup in front of a hashtag-worthy view while sporting a cheeky smile.
Also you: Uploads a hungover selfie in last night’s dress while stuffing your face with fries you ordered in.
The Instagram you spent 10 minutes deciding if the contrast and saturation levels were just right before spending another three coming up with a hashtag to match — probably something about how amazing your life is. Then there’s the Snapchat you. The you who got in too late and too intoxicated to change the night before, ordered takeout before even looking in the mirror and didn’t give a fuck about telling the world how fine you are with that decision. Because the truth is, in real life you’re not always classy, or professional, or even honest. You have moments you’re proud of and moments no one apart from a select few should know about.
And thanks to the plethora of social media platforms there is, you can be every part of yourself.
Instagram: The you who is the perfect combination of filters and fabulous
You always look like a million dollars but no one actually knows you ate ramen for dinner because you’re struggling to make it to pay day. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, you’ll always be the absolute best version of yourself. You take brunch snaps, bikini shots and obviously selfies. All of these combined and you are always an endless scroll of perfection.
You have probably even gotten mistaken for a celebrity, and you know what? You basically are. In group shots you always look at least 15 percent better than everyone else. Everyone knows it’s your moment — it’s always your time to shine.
Snapchat: The you who has no boundaries
You want to share every single second of your day with your closest friends and a select number of admirers. You will show everyone the best and worst of both worlds. From what you look like when you first open your eyes to when you’re too drunk to take a steady photo, everyone always knows what you’re up to. Similar to Instagram, you’re all about the selfies, but on Snapchat you simply don’t care as much about what you look like.
Only your closest friends are graced with your multiple-chinned presence daily and that’s a big part of the reason they keep you around. The only time you will spend more than a second on a selfie is when you’re sending one to the guy you’re crushing on — you’ve even perfected the cute-to-cleavage ratio.
You also like to “woo” a lot.
Facebook: The you who has a lot of friends (and family) and is always smiling
To anyone who is your friend — this excludes bosses, future employers, stalkers etc. — on Facebook you’re the girl who knows everyone and does a lot in her everyday life. You work and have fun — but not too much fun. You show the world how many friends you have in as many different circles as possible. You are the social butterfly whose life is all about striking a cute pose at various events with her besties or anyone you just happened to be with at the time. You keep your family close, but not too close that they know your every move.
You never let anyone see you at your absolute worst, which is why you make sure to swiftly untag yourself from that photo Zoe uploaded at the club last night because you look like shit. And then you’ll yell at Zoe for posting it in the first place. You always knows what the next hottest event is, make sure to invite all your friends and won’t wait more than a day to upload all the photos you took.
Look at all your friends though.
Twitter: The you who has an opinion on literally everything
Your life, your friend’s life, celebrities’ lives, world news, the stranger you just walked by, his dog — you name it. on Twitter you’re not afraid to tell everyone what you think about everything the second it happens. Subtweeting is also your perfect form of revenge. You shift your mood from overly sarcastic to genuinely concerned about anything to happen in your life — it doesn’t matter how big or small, you will make it a big deal.
You didn’t always used to be popular but slowly grew your fanbase by surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals. Twitter has made you skilled in making a point without wasting too much of your precious time. And for some reason you just like to hashtag everything, whether it’s online or in real life.
Finsta: The you who isn’t afraid to make a fool of herself
At least not within a carefully selected group of friends. The polar opposite of you on your real Instagram, here you’re always the worst version of yourself. Your finsta aesthetic ranges from blackout drunk to flat out weird to probably illegal and is always accompanied by a diary-style explanation for why. You never go by your real name but instead have invented an alter ego who truly captures how savage you really are.
You don’t let yourself known to everyone — only once you feel you can trust someone do they get to really experience your true weirdness – and to everyone who doesn’t know that side of you, it’s their loss.
LinkedIn: The you who is too professional to show her feelings
You probably thought that two-hour training shift you did that one time in middle school was worth adding to your profile, so you did. You think it’s cool to endorse people for everything including Microsoft Word (even though literally everyone knows how to use it). Going out for you is just another excuse to brag about your latest attempt to further your career, no matter how minor. Your circle of friends consists of anyone who can get you to the top.
The only reason you tolerate anyone is because you want their connections, you don’t actually care. But at least you know how to mingle anywhere, anytime. If networking were an Olympic sport you would be a gold medalist.
Tumblr: The you who has too many feelings
Not too many people know how to navigate your emotions and you want to keep it that way. You never feel like anyone truly understands, but you do find comfort in some rare individuals far away who do. You have a very unique aesthetic that you can’t really describe but you know when you’ve found something that is exactly your vibe. You always know who to quote and spend too much time thinking too much about life.
You won’t tell someone what you feel (they probably won’t get it), and no one will ever really pinpoint what you’re going through, but it’s always deep.
Illustrations by Bobby Palmer
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