Sorry, but Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging is actually kind of awful

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Sorry, but Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging is actually kind of awful

Mostly because all of the characters are terrible human beings

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging is one of the most iconic films of our childhood. Based on a British book series by a similar name, it achieved success both in the UK and in the US, and taught a generation of girls the importance of being your wacky, charmingly awkward self.

However, watching it recently made me question a few choice elements of the movie that I didn’t notice when I was younger, and analyzing these further have made me realize that this movie isn’t the cinematic masterpiece I once thought. It is, actually, filled with horrid lessons to teach young girls.

Georgia’s “Ace Gang” is literally the worst

In the opening scene, Georgia’s friends go back on their plan to dress as hors d’oeuvres for a party and don’t tell Georgia, resulting in her humiliating herself when she shows up to the party dressed as a stuffed olive. This alone should be enough to make her question the friendship. Not only that, during the ridiculous “physical attractiveness” test they do a little later on, two of Georgia’s friends rate two of her physical attributes extremely low: a 4 for her nose, and a 6 1/3 for her mouth. This could maybe be passed off as ‘brutal honesty’ or something were it not for the fact that everyone else got “mostly 8s for everything.”

And DON’T even get me started on Jas, who is maybe the absolute worst best friend ever displayed on screen. When Jas gets a boyfriend, she does everything good friends aren’t supposed to do: she only talks about Tom and completely ditches her best friends to only hang out with him. Actually, many of Georgia’s problems in this movie are caused by Jas and her idiocy, best demonstrated when she tells Dave why Georgia really went out with him. Oh, and then there’s that time when she almost ruins Georgia’s birthday party by inadvertently showing Lindsay the party invitations, causing Lindsay to change the date of her own party to be on the same night as Georgia’s (yeah, I know this was by accident, but come on Jas, don’t show Tom the invitations for your best friend’s party in front of her mortal enemy).

Does anyone else think it’s weird that Georgia sets up one of her best friends (and some random girl) with her rejects?

At Georgia’s party, the only two people who seem to not be having fun/enjoying Robbie’s creepy song are Dave “the Laugh” (who Georgia led on in an attempt to make Robbie jealous because she is the worst) and Peter Dyer (aka saliva boy). However, they both quickly perk up when Georgia introduces Dave to her best friend Elle and Peter to some random blonde girl we haven’t seen before. At first glance, this seems a sweet gesture on Georgia’s part, but in real life don’t we all hate that one friend who’s constantly trying to set us up with boys she’s previously hooked up with?

Answer: we do. And again, we see yet another reason why we shouldn’t aspire to be a Georgia.

Robbie dates Lindsay the entire movie for her looks only

This is never stated outright but is a little bit obvious seeing as Lindsay is described as having a “blank personality” and the only parts of her that are ever highlighted are her physical attributes. For a movie that appears to be celebrating personality over looks, Robbie sure takes a hell of a long time to wake up and stop being an idiot.

Robbie cheats on Lindsay and Georgia doesn’t care

For those of you who don’t remember, Robbie and Georgia kiss in the pool (while he’s still dating Lindsay) after she assures him that she’s not dating Peter and he says “well that’s good then.” Later, when he doesn’t call her and she screws everything up with her failed elastic band theory, the following encounter ensues:

“I handled [everything] really badly, I know, but I didn’t want to two-time anyone.” BUT WAIT, you already did because you kissed another girl while dating someone else.

“So you were thinking of breaking up with Lindsay and then you were gonna call me?” Slaggy Lindsay might be bitchy and “Miss Slag of the Century,” but you’re also kind of a bitch Georgia. And you should care that he cheated on his girlfriend, even if it was with you: don’t you know cheaters don’t change?

Georgia and the gang literally break the law

If, as a child, you felt a little uncomfortable about Georgia and her friends watching Lindsay change through the window with binoculars, then you felt the appropriate emotion about this because this isn’t just regular quirky antics of teenagers, this is illegal and is classified as a Class 1 misdemeanor.

“Victory” should not equal “completely humiliating the enemy”

Yes, okay, so we can all agree that Lindsay is an awful human being who has made life extremely difficult for Georgia throughout the duration of the film. However, let’s not forget that, also for the duration of the film, Georgia spends almost all of her energy trying to break up Lindsay and Robbie — even going so far as to ask Jas to tell Tom “how much better [she is] for Robbie.” And, in the end, Georgia gets exactly what she wants, while Lindsay loses her boyfriend and suffers the sting of no one showing up to her birthday party. It’s no wonder that she snaps and comes to Georgia’s party to confront her. Any normal person would, and given these circumstances, Jas pulling her boob enhancers out of her bra and throwing them to the crowd while calling her fake seems like overkill.

Thanks for teaching us that when they go low, we go lower.

Robbie’s song is weird

Call me crazy, but if a boy I had known for a few short months who I wasn’t even technically dating wrote a song about me and performed it at my birthday party in front of everyone we know, including my parents, I wouldn’t find it charming I would find it exceptionally creepy and would definitely run away.

Georgia is 14, having a boyfriend should not be the most important thing in her life

“There are five things very wrong with my life… Number 5: I’ll never get a boyfriend” … okay. I’m not really understanding why this is something very wrong with your life, seeing as you’re just starting high school.

Having a boyfriend shouldn’t be anyone’s top priority at any age, but especially not when you’re 14. You have your entire life ahead of you to hate boys find love.

It’s uncomfortably sexual

There’s “good” sexual (like the scene where Taraji P. Henson walks out of her hotel in Think Like a Man) and “bad” sexual (like the scene in this movie where Jem opens a jar of pickles while shirtless and Georgia’s mom/friends watch him, enraptured). Several parts of this movie fall under the “bad” sexual definition.

Let’s make a little list, shall we?

The above pickle-jar example (where we also see that Georgia’s mom is wearing a thong because it’s whale tailing so high over the top of her pants, like this isn’t even realistic, there’s no way she wouldn’t feel/fix that)

The scene where Jem is painting (again, shirtless) and we viewers are treated to an image of his lower back hair

The fact that Robbie’s band is called the “Stiff Dylans” (not even gonna touch that one)

The scene where Peter forcibly tries to make out with Georgia and pulls her skirt up

The fact that Georgia calls Robbie a “Sex God” for the entire movie (literally why is this even a thing, she is 14 years old)

Now don’t get me wrong, I still absolutely love this movie and watch it an embarrassing amount of times per week. But let’s please stop saying that it “shaped a generation of women” because that does this generation a huge disservice: we should all aspire to be better than the mingers in this movie.