Things you should shout at women when they’re out running!!
DON’T FORGET TO MENTION THE TIGHT LEGGINGS
One in three women have been harassed when they’re out for a run. That’s what new research from England Athletics tells us. The same study discovered a massive 60 per cent said they felt anxious when running alone, and more than half said they’d feel safer when running with a group.
Why is this such a phenomenon? Obviously because the done thing to do when women are brave enough to put their tiny squirrel heads out of the door and into the big bad world you should shout violently sexual things at them until they are frightened and go back inside forever. But what do you say to them! What will catch the woman’s attention and convince her to a) either go back to her hovel and stay in the kitchen forever or b) make her fall deeply in love with you and collapse, sweaty and besotted, into your arms right in the middle of the street?
It’s a tough one, so we’ve made a handy guide.
Things you SHOULD shout at women in the street while they’re running
Hey, great job!
You are achieving your goals!
This has nothing to do with me and my life!
Wow, this inspires me to become healthier!
Look out for that canal! (Of course, if someone is about to run into a canal, it would be helpful to shout this to remind them, but obviously only if they’re about to run into a canal.)
I can see you are wearing headphones so I’m not going to shout anything at you, as in polite society it is not the done thing!
Where did you buy your trainers I like them they look both fashionable and functional!
Things you SHOULD NOT shout at women in the street while they’re running
Literally anything. What the fuck is wrong with you. See somebody about this. We all want you to get better.