Don’t quote me on this, but 2017 might be the long-awaited year of the side dick
Embrace hoe culture
“Why am I crying every night over you” sing poorly-treated girl group Changing Faces in the 2000 hit ‘That Other Woman’. “You’re never gonna leave her. Finally I woke up and smell the coffee. I understand why two women can’t share one man.”
It’s just one of countless side chick anthems on the shitty but universal experience of being (accidentally or on purpose) some dickhead’s other woman. Even the Sugababes got in on the action at one point. It’s all become a bit overdone. But whether you’re sick of ending up as the sidechick or just sick of Spotify playlists jam packed with songs about it, here is some good news: I really think this is the year the tables turn and we all embrace the magic of the sidedick.
The side-chick is the embodiment of being sad and fucked over (if you had no idea the main chick existed) or evil and scheming (if you knew but just didn’t care). But the sidedick doesn’t have to exist within the same dichotomy. Having a sidedick doesn’t mean fucking over your maindick.
It just means having a back-burner, a low key thing you can turn to if your plans fall through, something just for fun. Don’t fuck over people for the sidedick, but embrace the side-dick nonetheless. Hey even introduce your sidedicks to each other if you feel it would work out OK. Do you.
Essentially, 2017 is the year of the sidedick primarily because it’s the year we will all finally, I predict, embrace hoe culture. Look, it’s like gangsta rap duo WC sang in their 2007 classic ‘Side Dick’: “I know you need a dick on the side, girl (dick on the side!). Every girl need a dick on the side (dick on the side!)”. And that was produced by Ice Cube, so it must be true. It’s been 10 long, sidedick-less years since that classic came out, but last year we realised some things.
In my theory, hoe culture is the evolution of feminism
— Top 2, and not 2. (@BariWorld) December 27, 2016
I just act like a hoe for the culture tbh
— BenHe (@stupidlong) December 29, 2016
"Hoe culture" pic.twitter.com/3VycI6oEyR
— Hillary Murrieta (@hillthecreator) December 28, 2016
Sidechick culture has a bad name but the same stigma hasn’t tarnished sidedick culture just yet. It’s probably even considered quite PG and acceptable if this weird BuzzFeed Disney prince quiz is anything to go by.
And, honestly, if it doesn’t involve playing with people’s emotions, jeopardising any actual committed relationships or ending up in a which-guy-do-I-fall-in-love-with rom com scenario, then what’s the harm in a little sidedick?
I’m just putting it out there.