2017 - 2024 Tab Media babe •
If you leave the group chat, you’ve left this friendship too
There’s a mute button for a reason
You can’t just leave the chat.
I know you’re an adult and have friends who aren’t me, but will they send you questionable Ne-Yo memes while you’re sleeping? Probably not — they have standards.
We have history together. Are you sure you’re ready to walk away from all of this? Remember that time I sent you a video of me chugging a beer, and you responded with the same thing? We were the definition of hashtag goals.
And who is going to approve my Instagram posts now? What if I lose control one night and don’t have you there to stop me from using Hefe?
My feed will never be the same, and you’ll only have yourself to blame for my lack of likes.
I will post this, caption it: “Every brunette needs a blonde,” and tag you, so everyone knows this is your train wreck.
I need to know I can send you a screenshot of a conversation with the caption, “Does this make me sound crazy?” and get an honest response. We need all hands on deck to assess my sanity.
But I won’t jump to conclusions. There are a few reasons you could be leaving:
1. You’re sick of scrolling through five pages of messages to finally catch up on what we’re laughing about.
2. You get roasted too often for supplying us with with sub-par memes.
3. You’ve decided breaking our collective heart is the only way to get our attention.
It doesn’t have to be like this Eleni — there are other options. We can still make this work. I will do whatever it takes to get us back to where we used to be. You used to be so lively — you used to participate. Nowadays, I feel like I’m pulling the weight, and it’s really taking a toll on this relationship.
I just wanted to know what you’re wearing tonight.
Know that when you leave, not only will we all separately message you you, but we’ll mercilessly rinse you in our new and *improved* group chat.
There will be screen grabs of your lame-ass tweets, your posts with other friends on Instagram and that dusty new guy in your updated profile pic.
But seriously, we miss you. Come back.