How to tell if a boy likes you: a literary edition

Men can often fox us with their mixed messages and confusing actions, but literature is always there to guide us in the right direction, right? Here are some ways in which men of the literary world have shown their affection for their significant others. Ladies, if he lets himself get framed for your murder: he’s the one.

He’ll stalk you and buy a house directly opposite you, just so he can spend his days staring across at you

Ah yes, the hallmark of a true romantic: stalking. Gatsby loved Daisy, so obviously he just had to trace her every move and settle himself down opposite her family home, right? ‘Gatsby looked at Daisy in a way that every young girl wanted to be looked at’ – how’s that? Through a pair of binoculars whilst she was changing into pyjamas?

He’ll commit suicide

How cute – Romeo thought Juliet was dead, and so, distraught with grief, he poisoned himself. It’s really the ultimate romantic gesture. It’s just a shame that when a guy does this, you can’t really hope for anything long-term.

He’ll get his head cut off for you

Or, for ‘a life you love’. Ladies, if Sydney Carton says he’ll lay down his life for you and face La Guillotine so you’re free to build a life with Charles Darnay, he’s a keeper. Shame he’s headless now. Again, as with the Romeos of the world – you can’t really hope for anything long-term with a Carton.

He’ll keep his ex locked in the attic

Rochester didn’t really think this through, did he? Did he think Jane would be chill about finding Bertha Mason chained to the wall? Boy logic: lock the first wife away in the attic now, think about the consequences later. If you need an excuse, just tell Jane you did it out of love for her. Or something.

He’ll keep the fact he murdered his ex a secret

What better way to show your love for your new wife than by demonstrating your hate for your ex-wife, right? Who cares if you brutally shot her in a jealous rage? The second Mrs. de Winter didn’t seem to mind that her husband killed Rebecca, because obviously that’s just proof that he loves her now.

He’ll disappear for three years

…And then return, rich and vengeful. Of course Heathcliff, the natural reaction to your Cathy getting engaged is to do a runner and vanish for three years – a mature conversation about how you’re really feeling just won’t cut it.

He’ll publicly humiliate you

Again, always the sign of a budding passion. Ladies, if he’s ignoring you, refusing to dance with you, or making snide comments about your appearance: he’s definitely into you. It was clear from Darcy’s first sneering remarks to Elizabeth Bennet that they’d end up together in the end.

 He’ll forbid you from leaving the house and seeing your family

If you fall for Count Vronksy, you have all this to look forward to and more. Cue morphine dependency to make living with this control freak bearable, and then finally jumping in front of a train, having had all your happiness leeched from you by your parasitic lover. Lucky you!

@serenasaysrelax