If you can’t take a good fake-candid picture of me, are you even my friend?
Friends help friends get 100 likes
by Amanda Ross
There are only so many selfies a woman can take, and the same goes for mirror pics, group shots and #TBTs. Any girl worth her weight in post-bar street tacos knows that the holy grail of Instagram pictures is the not-so-candid candid picture. And a good fucking friend would take a great one for you.
When a friend asks me to take a good picture of them, I morph into Terry Richardson minus the rape-y glasses and also the alleged actual rape. I’m staging a full-blown photoshoot. I call on our other friends to properly light the situation with their iPhones. I’m directing everything from the angle of the gin and tonic in your hand to the degree of your smile (“More coy! OK now just a little more teeth on the left side. Yes, yes, hold it right there!“) to get that perfect shot that I know is going to result in 70-plus likes and a slew of ??? emojis. Because that’s just the kind of friend I am.
And that’s what makes your failure to reciprocate so painful. I don’t even recognize the person in the photos you take of me. Literally, because they’re blurry as fuck.
When I take a picture of my friends VS. When my friends take a picture of me😭😂 pic.twitter.com/Bejva12Jo3
— kate🍡 (@__katelynann) December 24, 2015
Is it too much to ask for a naturally gorgeous picture of me that I didn’t have to take with a selfie stick? All I want is something that makes me look literally exactly like Emily Ratajkowski.
C’mon. I thought we were friends.
If you’re not waking up at 5:30 am to reflect upon ‘key wins’ then you are a FUCKING FAILURE — sorry!
Melania Edwards is the woman who has it all
by Nian Hu
Are you a real-life human woman who commits fatal errors such as snoozing your alarm in the morning, scrolling aimlessly through Instagram, and falling asleep at 2 am to the sound of a Netflix documentary? Then get ready to feel like a massive failure, because Melania Edwards is "always on the move," according to a…
Don’t freak out but there’s a way to always find out if he actually likes you
Where was this three years ago????
by Amanda Ross
On my wedding day, I know I'm going to be standing at the altar and pressing my husband-to-be about if he's sure he's in love with me — which is different from loving me, you know?! And then when I'm asked if I take him to be my lawful wedded husband, I'll be asking the…
QUIZ: Make a couple of predictions and we’ll tell you if you’re like, psychic
Your fate is in our hands
by Caroline Phinney
Why did so many of our childhood made-for-TV movies revolve around psychic abilities? Is because kids are stupid and need fuel for constant games of pretend in the backyard while our parents drank wine? Or is it because it's the only magical ability that requires virtually zero of a TV show's budget to depict? Regardless,…