If you can’t take a good fake-candid picture of me, are you even my friend?
Friends help friends get 100 likes
by Amanda Ross
There are only so many selfies a woman can take, and the same goes for mirror pics, group shots and #TBTs. Any girl worth her weight in post-bar street tacos knows that the holy grail of Instagram pictures is the not-so-candid candid picture. And a good fucking friend would take a great one for you.
When a friend asks me to take a good picture of them, I morph into Terry Richardson minus the rape-y glasses and also the alleged actual rape. I’m staging a full-blown photoshoot. I call on our other friends to properly light the situation with their iPhones. I’m directing everything from the angle of the gin and tonic in your hand to the degree of your smile (“More coy! OK now just a little more teeth on the left side. Yes, yes, hold it right there!“) to get that perfect shot that I know is going to result in 70-plus likes and a slew of ??? emojis. Because that’s just the kind of friend I am.
And that’s what makes your failure to reciprocate so painful. I don’t even recognize the person in the photos you take of me. Literally, because they’re blurry as fuck.
When I take a picture of my friends VS. When my friends take a picture of me😭😂 pic.twitter.com/Bejva12Jo3
— kate🍡 (@__katelynann) December 24, 2015
Is it too much to ask for a naturally gorgeous picture of me that I didn’t have to take with a selfie stick? All I want is something that makes me look literally exactly like Emily Ratajkowski.
C’mon. I thought we were friends.
Elon Musk didn’t have a 47th birthday party, LMS if u cried :-(
This is the saddest story you will read in 2018
by Nian Hu
I hope you're ready for the most depressing, heartbreaking story you will read this year. This is a tragedy that far outstrips all of the stories about neo-Nazis, school shootings, and deportations.Are you ready? Here we go: Elon Musk didn't have a 47th birthday party. Poor, poor Elongated Muskrat. My heart simply breaks for him.…
Your fave is probably as asshole! Here’s a master list of rude celebrity encounters
Dr Phil might have a skrong dick but HE is a complete dick
by Harry Shukman
An ocean of tea is being spilled on this delicious thread about people's worst encounters with celebs. Regular human beings are dishing on their encounters with everyone famous from Mariah Carey (nobody is allowed to make eye contact with her) to Leonardo DiCaprio (flicked a cig at wait staff) to Hillary Swank ("pretentious bitch"). Check…
Let’s talk about my weirdest obsession: The Purge and who would survive it
Knowing who would live is my greatest gift
by Amanda Ross
You know that John Waters quote emblazoned on weed-rank tote bags carried by NYU kids all over town? It’s like, “If you go home with someone and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them?” (Awful advice btw illiteracy is the wave for 2018, trust me). My version of that is The Purge. You know, that…