Incredible! These brave women are heroically going through life without a boyfriend
They’re single, guys. SINGLE
Everyone knows that being single, for a woman, is a deeply terrifying and life-ruining experience. Nobody must ever be single because it means you are defective and deprived of the healing touch of a man. Despite that, these brave celebrities have courageously announced their single status to the world. Before you recoil in repulsion, read their words.
Usually pictured looking awkward as fuck when she’s watching Tyga and Kylie’s loving embraces, and earlier this month model Kendall said she was “so so single”. Very brave! Speaking ahead of her highly successful Calvin Klein campaign Kendall said: “I think a strong woman is independent, don’t need no man, can like walk into a room and not be bothered, can go anywhere she wants by herself and not need a million people around her – that’s a strong woman.”
Since calling J-Lo “desperate” and a “traitor” for dating her ex Drake, Rihanna is understandably staying away from the world of relationships. In the past she said: “Guys need attention. They need that nourishment, that little stroke of the ego that gets them by every now and then. I’ll give it to my family, I’ll give it to my work—but I will not give it to a man right now.”
Eternal Supreme Stevie Nicks once told the New York Times: “I live a single woman’s life and yes, I spend a lot of time by myself. I have a few very close friends, most of them I’ve known forever, and I kind of like it.” The dream.
After breaking up with The Weeknd, Bella said she “just needed to focus on herself for a while”. Which, given his Selena Gomez pictures, is probably a VERY BRAVE and also sensible idea.
Ever since Hiddleswift and her late-2016 snake drama, potential snake and brave single gal TSwift has continued to excuse herself from the narrative. In between not attending the recent women’s march and failing to endorse Hillary Clinton, she’s been busy with the single life. She said last year: “I am single. To be honest being single is one of the best things about my life right now. And whatever people think I actually love it.”
“Life is so much more fun and it’s great not to have to worry about calling someone every night, just doing what you want to do. Hanging out with your friends.”
Kaling told BuzzFeed: “I used to freak out about being single much more in my twenties. I’ve noticed that the more professional success I have, or the more happy I am professionally, the less I worry about that because I have a great deal of professional confidence. I’ve noticed whenever I’ve felt the most boy crazy or when I wanted to get married it was when I was not so happy professionally. I have this thing and it’ll happen like five times a year on a Sunday night, the feeling like, Oh, a family would be great. Not even being in a relationship — but a family because I’m 35.
“I think what snaps me out of it is just the fact that I love being by myself. I think that if I was in the wrong relationship, which I have been in several, that would be so much worse than the feeling of autonomy I feel right now. It’s hard when I give advice because I’m a naturally cheerful person. Terrible things have happened to me and whether it is the way that I was raised or am built, I am able to get through it somehow. I’m not a tortured artist, so that helps me as well, which is something I can’t teach unfortunately.”
Courageous Scarlett joined the ranks of the brave single women just this month after breaking up with French journalist Romain Dauriac, who she dated since 2012. “I think being in a committed relationship takes work”, she said in 2014. “It’s very easy to leave a situation when it gets uncomfortable. It’s challenging. But when it works it’s really worth it.”
Finally paying attention to all the he-aint-shit memes, Nicki broke up with Meek Mill earlier this month. She bravely tweeted: “To confirm, yes I am single. Focusing on my work & looking forward to sharing it with you guys really soon. Have a blessed New Year. Love u.”
Your #MCM has nothing on this big-dicked zoo animal
Time to dump your boyfriend for a tapir
by Nian Hu
Look, we all know that men can be unbelievably frustrating. Sure, they can be cute sometimes. But they barrage us with thirsty DMs and unsolicited dick pics, they ghost us after one date, and they use the same body wash to clean their hair and their nutsack. Hard pass. And even when we do end…
Did 3OH!3 predict hoeism’s meteoric rise?
It was definitely ahead of its time
by Amanda Ross
Allow me to paint a picture for you: it's the summer of 2008, the sun is beating down on the ginormous parking lot in which Warped Tour is held. A massive crowd of sweating teenagers in ass-cheek-revealing shorts from Ruehl (OMG remember Ruehl? That's a story for another time…) gathers in front of a main…
Should I go to Costa Rica with this wealthy older man I just met?
Or is it the plot of Taken 4!
by Harry Shukman
Imagine a mysterious and rich man met you in the park – the park! – asked you out, paid for your drinks, gave you gift cards, offered you dental surgery, and then asked to take you away to Costa Rica. Should you go? That's what one girl is asking in a relationship advice post that has to…