Every Snapchat ‘thirst trap’ you’ll send to your crush, ranked by level of desperation

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Every Snapchat ‘thirst trap’ you’ll send to your crush, ranked by level of desperation

You ain’t slick

Let’s just all finally admit what we’ve known all along: Snapchat is the holy grail of flirtatious communication.

And because it’s the one social media where you keep all the guys in your life (boyfriends, exes, current tings, tings you wish were happening, friends, coworkers, etc), it’s the ideal place to lay a finely crafted thirst trap.

I’ve taken on the backbreaking task of assembling a carefully curated list of the greatest thirst traps you can lay to get attention.

And if you think this is just an article for me to put my own selfies on the internet, how dare you?! But yeah, that’s part of it. Maybe this entire article is a thirst trap. Meta.

The Half-Face Selfie

In a word, it’s simply iconic. What is it about only half of our face that looks so much better than, y’know, our entire face? It’s probably the fact that symmetry is what makes people hot (there’s an Oprah episode about it, check it out). If we only show half of our face, we don’t have to worry about our unsymmetrical, mutant-ass other half fucking it up.

It me, old Half-Face.

The question, of course, is what makes this type of selfie so inherently thotty? Maybe it’s the intrigue of only showing part of something, the facial equivalent of sideboob. One of my colleagues put it like this: “It’s mysterious, like you’re saying ‘Come get the other half in person.'”

The Unwatched Story

Can’t let him know I give a fuck so I’m trying to peep through the fucking Snap Story preview to see what could be going on like:

An unwatched Story tells him that you’re too busy drinking expensive liquors and possibly flirting with well-dressed older men to watch his story that’s just a pan of the bar he’s at with a standard, “Out with the boys!” caption. You know your absence on the “who’s viewed your story” feature is always noticed.

The Late Night Timestamp

This is what you send when you want to get a text back but have nothing interesting to say and don’t want to cede power by actually messaging them first like a DESPERATE ANIMAL/normal human being.

11:08: Thirst-trapping time.

The “I Want You To Think I Sent This To Everyone” Pic

Spoiler: you didn’t. It’s all a ruse, you clever thot! You gotta remind him that even though you are secretly already planning your wedding, you think he ain’t shit. You know, hard to get. Because if we were to actually express our feelings, we would wither and die like the fern I forgot about on my windowsill. It’s dry and crunchy and smells terrible, which is what would happen to me if I tried to communicate honestly with a man.

There was no y’all.

Bonus “I don’t even like him!” points for actually putting the picture on your story as well as sending it to him.

The “I Love This Outfit!” Boob Shot

You might as well caption this “I’m not even sorry” because it’s clear to all parties involved that you sent this picture for one reason and one reason only: to make the recipient think about your boobs. It requires no further analysis, you beautiful, genius hoe.

Look, my shirt says Babetown. You know, like babe, the company I work for. Definitely not trying to send you a picture of my chest.

The Dog Face Filter

At last, we come to the pièce de résistance of Snapchat thirst traps — the now-legendary dog face filter. Did Snapchat know when they unveiled it that it would completely change the landscape of potential relationship dynamics forever? The dog face does it all. It covers your nose (I’ve never seen a hot nose), it smooths your skin (hashtag nomakeup), and slims your face better than a thousand contour brushes could ever hope for.

A potato glows up

And if all of these thirst traps fail, you could always try texting him first, right? Lmao sorry, couldn’t resist a joke at the end.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

Inside the world of Premium Snapchat, private NSFW accounts that rake in thousands of dollars 
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This new app will help you choose the hottest thirst trap for your Insta feed

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