2017 - 2024 Tab Media lust •
Awful Valentine’s Day stories which will make you realise true love is dead
It’s a second hand emotion tbh
Ah Valentine’s Day. The most romantic day of the year. 24 hours of sex, set-menu deals and smug Facebook posts. Whether you’re single or happily coupled up, it is impossible to ignore. But if it’s not for you, don’t despair. Life could get worse than a February 14th spent getting drunk alone and hate-liking vague tweets about the ephemerality of relationships in your twenties. You could be these guys.
Megan
My first boyfriend had the weirdest most controlling mum of ALL TIME and it came out more than ever when we went for a meal on Valentine’s Day at a diner type place near me – my mum had driven us to and from, and his parents knew exactly where we were. Halfway through our main course the waiter comes over to our table with the restaurant telephone. They’d called the restaurant asking if there was a boy with ‘big hair’ there and ‘his girlfriend’ to make sure we were actually there and not lying to them.
Bear in mind we were 17, not like 12 or anything.
Emma
My most recent ex messaged me on the night before Valentine’s Day (which he hadn’t made any plans for so i let it chill but we WERE in a year long relationship) saying ‘first class means next day… right?’. Well readers, it doesn’t. And two days after Valentine’s Day I eceived a badly home made card that said ‘girl, I’ma always let you finish’, with a cut out face of Kanye West stuck on it. For context, he never let me finish.
Amy
My sophomore year of high school, I got into my first relationship. I didn’t like the guy that much to begin with, but he was nice enough and we got along swimmingly, and people were pushing so why not, right? SO WRONG. We never really fought but we also weren’t that compatible. This led to a half decent relationship that got way too serious after over a year. I wanted to end it eventually, but it was Christmastime by then, so I figured I’d hold off just a bit.
Then my family invited him to spend NYE with us. I was NOT happy going into the New Year with this guy. Then came his birthday in January. I figured I’d survived another few weeks with him and things were fine, so I gave up on breaking up with him until February came around and I was just DONE with it. I finally worked up the guts to do it but it was on Valentine’s Day. He could tell something was wrong over text and guessed it. I didn’t even have to say it.
He ended up showing up at my house to shovel snow. My parents didn’t know what had happened and invited him in. And then he finally takes his leave, but not before trying to kiss me. I felt awful at the time, luckily we’re friends now.
George
I once gave a girl a bunch of coconuts instead of flowers and she cried.
Louise
Last year I bought my boyfriend a very expensive watch and got it engraved (because I’m cute), only for him to break up with me two days later. I still have said watch.
Another time I was going out for a meal with my boyfriend at the time (different guy) and his ex turned up and sat on the table next to us. He said ex was still “in love” with him and needless to say it was very awkward and we left very soon after she arrived.
Delilah
When I was 15 I told my then-boyf I wanted to do something and he said he’d surprise me so I got really dressed up and then he took me to McDonald’s.
Ella
My ex sent me an adorable super soppy love letter in the post for Valentine’s and he put a rolo in it (like ‘my last rolo’ romantic thing from years ago) but that meant I had to pay extra postage so I didn’t receive it until March by which time I’d brutally broken up with him for being ’emotionless’ and ‘uncaring’ . Was so horrible reading it.
Caitlin
Elizabeth
Sarah
Charlie
Penny
I had been dating this fuckboy for about nine months and had actually attempted to get rid of him a few months earlier, but of course he managed to worm his way back into my life because I was obsessed and he was adept at screwing over naive younger women like myself. He refused to be official with me but would do all the other boyfriend-y shit and I just sort of helplessly tolerated it. Not my finest hour.
Anyway, my roommates and I decided to have a Valentine’s Day party at our apartment and I invited him. He had been on a business trip to London so I hadn’t seen him for like a week, but he agreed to come and showed up with one of our mutual friends and a bottle of wine. Right off the bat, things were weird.
I asked him to come into my room with me for a second and I had barely closed the door before he spilled that he had met someone else in London that he was really into and that he “couldn’t keep doing this.” Needless to say, I was completely bowled over — I couldn’t believe that not only was I getting dumped on Valentine’s Day, but it was happening with 40 of my closest acquaintances in the next room. I asked him to please leave my home immediately. He then proceeded to skulk around the party “saying goodbye” to people before once of my friends told him that if he didn’t get out right now she was going to call the cops.
He married the London chick about six months later — that’s right, the dude I couldn’t get to so much as call me his girlfriend got fucking MARRIED — an occurrence I only heard about though the grapevine, because I blocked his ass on social media.