There are just a few things I'd like to alter in this full bed
Hey hot shirtless you,
Sup, how was the bathroom? I knew I was making the right decision when I said “You should stay over!” for the first time (ok so maybe I texted my group chat and maybe they said be careful). Since then we’ve learned so much about each other, right? You now know that I like to sleep on the right side of the bed, and I now know that you like to turn the fan on even when it’s super fucking cold. Oh yeah, I know that well by now.
I’m not going to lie, there are some things I’m taking issue with as we’re laying together even now. Mind if I get them out?
About your room being freezing and you insisting on keeping the fan on
I get it, guys get warm easily, you hot toddy, you. But my bitter ass gets cold easily, and if you’re going to tell me you’ll hold me all night against your warm self, and end up on the other side of the bed leaving me stranded, there is an 93 percent chance that I will shave one of your eyebrows in your sleep.
About you stealing the covers like it’s your vocation, boy
Isn’t it strange? Isn’t it ironic? You’re so warm but you manage to cocoon yourself in my fluffy duvet every time while I shake aggressively with my thin-ass sheet. I thought you said earlier that you just want me to be happy, REMEMBER? Betrayal.
About you using my phone charger and my phone dying
Why don’t you bring your own? It’s a rule of the universe that everyone should be prepared with their own shit, and if I can’t sleep from being too cold, the least you can do is let me scroll through Insta and get that battery to 100p.
About our whacked sleeping schedules
Dude, it’s midnight and this bitch needs her sleep. Maybe you forgot the time I told you I function best on exactly 9 hours. It’s time for our cycles to sync, lover boy, because I can’t with you and your 1 a.m. chats (though I have to admit they’re cute af).
Babeeeee, you and I are a pair, that’s for sure. But the way you sleep irks me so much I just want to literally rest in PEACE. Kloveyameanit.