Is it just me, or is every girl’s middle name Nicole? Trying to figure this out

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Is it just me, or is every girl’s middle name Nicole? Trying to figure this out

You know it’s true

Yeah, there are names that rise and fall in popularity every year and that’s why you had an Ashley C., Ashley M., and Ashley W. in every single classroom you’ve ever sat in.

But there are two names — specifically middle names — that transcend time, space, race, age and all logic to hit atop the throne as the most ubiquitous middle names you’ll ever hear: Nicole or Marie.

It’s not even like these names are especially cool or relevant to anything happening in pop culture in the late 80s, early 90s. Nicole (my middle name!) means “victorious people” according to various baby name sites and Marie is a derivative of Mary that means “sea of bitterness” which might be the most shit baby name in existence. Yes, here is my daughter, Sea of Bitterness. It sounds like a garage metal band, tbh. Introducing my baby girl, Pit of Despair.

How did all of our parents decide, collectively, to give us the same damn name? Did they not realize what a struggle it would be for those of us with a first name that’s also horrifically basic? Going through life with the name Amanda Nicole has left me with deep emotional scars that may never heal. Growing up, there was even another girl named Amanda Nicole Ross at my pediatrician’s office. The audacity.

My fellow Nicoles and Maries, our time is now. We might just outnumber every other group in America, so if we could just unionize and mobilize, there’s no telling what we could accomplish. Rise, my basics. Rise.