This male chiropractor wants you to literally glue your labia shut to stop your period

A male, Kansas-based chiropractor (read: not a doctor) has just invented a “lipstick” that he claims will glue your labia shut while menstruating.

Dan Dopps’ new product, which is essentially a glue stick for your vagina, is called “Mensez” and although it has not yet been created, he has started marketing the product on Facebook.

The ad reads: “Have you ever woke up with your lips stuck together? It didn’t hurt and it was kind of fun. All you had to do was to wet your lips from the inside with saliva and they became unstuck. That is the principal behind Mensez and a revolutionary safer solution for women to control their periods without the need for tampons, pads, vag cups, or period panties Mensez is a natural combination of amino acids and oil in a lipstick applicator that is applied to the lips downunder during the period. It causes them to stick together, strong enough to prevent leakage, that is until the user urinates. The urine instantly unsticks the labia and allows everything to wash out into the toliet, wipe and reapply Mensez lipstick. Clean, Safe, Secure and Done. Coming to a store near you soon.”

Dopps comments on the article were even more offensive than this ludicrous invention.

“Yes, I am a man and you as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25 percent of the time, making them far less productive then they could be,” Dopps said.

Though he refers to women’s hygiene products almost exclusively as diapers, I can only imagine he means pads — either that or he thinks every women walks around wearing Depends for a week every month.

“The diapers that women are forced to accept are gross and incredibly awful, no matter what color they make them or the cute names they give them, they are still diapers.”

Actually, moron, they’re not diapers and women have tons of other valid options for all of their period needs, including but not limited tampons (ever heard of them?) and menstrual cups.

Don’t worry ladies, Not-a-Dr. Dopps is doing this for our own well-being and not just because he thinks periods are gross.

“My dream is to have women free of the distractions, the psychological issues that goes along with their periods, and see what they develop,” Dopps said.

I’m sorry women are so unproductive during the time they have their periods. I guess the Chinese Olympian, Fu Yuanhui, should have just stayed home instead of winning a bronze medal while on her period. The notion that women are constantly distracted by their periods is ridiculous, the only thing a women’s period affects is her relief when she realizes she’s not pregnant this month, and maybe her food cravings. We go to school, we go to work, and no one even knows we are on our period unless a tampon falls out of our bag while headed to the bathroom.

Not to mention that if Dopps had any background on female hormones, he would know that women are the most prone to mood swings the week before their period because that’s when their hormones are at their highest point. Checkmate, dumbass.

Dopps brother even took to Facebook to inform the public of his distaste for his brothers new product.

Dopps spoke with Forbes, and explained that the product would make the vagina function like a bladder.

“It makes more sense than putting the plug up there,” he told Forbes. “We’re using the vagina like a bladder just like tampons do.”

Interesting thought, because the vagina is nothing like a bladder, that’s not how anatomy works, and tampons are completely different than this insane idea he is proposing. Oh, and his glue is for the vulva, not the vagina.

Thankfully (hopefully?) no company in their right mind would invest in this Saw-like contraption, and he clearly doesn’t have enough knowledge of how a woman’s body works to ever let his “period lipstick” dream become a reality.

We are still waiting for Dopps to respond to our request for comment.

@TheTab