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The psychology behind why women wait so much longer to say ‘I love you’ than men
You guys did this to yourselves
I am 100 percent positive the only thing scarier than saying “I love you,” is saying “I love you” too soon.
All you have to type into google is “When is the right,” and it auto-fills the rest for you: “time to say I love you.” The very first option.
And then you click it, and it brings you to thousands of pages of suggested articles – telling you all about why you should or shouldn’t drop that “L” bomb tonight. But why are we so concerned about it, and who exactly are the people googling for these answers? (Other than me, Of C. I am at least 500 of those searches.)
According to a 2013 survey from eHarmony, men take an average of 88 days to say “I love you,” whereas women take an average of 134.
While many have pointed out that this might be because either men put less thought into the whole “love thing,” or men think less before speaking – I think that’s letting them off too easy. What I see here is a nation of women conditioned to keep their feelings to themselves for fear of seeming “clingy.”
If you look at the authors of these articles, for the most part, they are women, as well as being hosted on sites targeted at women. This isn’t a coincidence. We as women feel the need to protect one another against saying something that’ll put us in a vulnerable situation.
According to Aaron Ben-Zeév, a leading expert in the study of emotions, when it comes to saying, “I love you,” there’s an emphasis on timing. Women – often considered more obsessed with the idea of love – have begun to wait for men to say it first, because we’re afraid of being the one more invested, or of asking for more than they’re ready to supply, and then being labeled “needy” for it.
So for every man out there who is still wondering if their girlfriend “loves” them or not, because they haven’t said it, or who has ever made a joke about a woman being “needy,” you’ve done this to yourself. Now you’re going to have to sit and wait to find out if we feel anything.