I’m not an expert, but these new ‘unicorn dildos’ seem…uncomfortable

Geeky Sex Toys just released this new unicorn dildo, and I’m convinced there’s nothing pure left in this world.

For the naughty nerd, Geeky Sex Toys is your one stop shop for geek themed adult sex toys — “a nerdy twist on your average Dildos, Vibrators and Toys.”

But their newest product genuinely scares me — and not in like a kinky-scary way. I’m not sure you’ll make it back to buy more.

Tell me that this looks safe. But, if unicorns and spikes are your thing, then who on God’s green earth am I to stop you?

I for one am always down for some good ol’ fashioned freak and fun, but I feel like I would need supervision to use this bad boy (although I’m sure that could be arranged).

The dildo is made of a firm yet flexible silicon, but I still don’t think I want anything capable of ‘piercing’ anywhere around that area. Then again, maybe I’m just not that into unicorns.

And apparently people can’t get enough of them.

It has an insertable length of 7.5 inches, with a circumference of 5.5 inches, down to two inches at the tip. It also has a suction cup base that is super strong.

The toy comes in pink pearl, purple pearl, and white pearl.

Here’s everything else you might need to know:

Good luck out there. And if you’re using it, perhaps make sure someone else is home. Just in case.

@carolinephinney