My bushy eyebrows are making me poor
And giving me headaches
Having bushy eyebrows has it’s perks, I get it – I’m Cara’s eyebrow twin. But how far is that going to get me? I haven’t been scouted in Primark yet so I’ll rant here instead.
Welcome to the life of a bushy browdonian:
I have to get them done every week
Every other week if I’ve got nowhere to be.
A few weeks ago the eyebrow lady said to me “you’re eyebrows are very good for business” … erm…are you doing them shit on purpose so I come back in 7 days?
Basically I’m the ideal customer, my eyebrows are keeping their place afloat.
I swear, little hairs grow whilst they’re getting done
It’s driving me mad. Everytime I look in the mirror these little hairs are there and in my head they’re saying “LOL biyatch you can’t get rid of us that easily.”
So I tell the beautician the hairs are still there. She’s annoyed so she’s digging the thread into my skin and I get a little scratch. But guess what?
I look in the mirror and they’re still there!
They need their own trust-fund
Where I live, eyebrow threading used to be £1.50 now it’s doubled, £3 with student ID and a tad more for non-students.
Someone told me they get them done for £10.
That’s not feasible for me, it would cost me between £230-£520 per year in which case I might aswell have them lasered off. At this rate, I should rent them out to beauticians in training, like they do with hairdressers.
Everything has to happen on eyebrow day
No, it’s not an exclusive day like Mother’s day, it’s the day I get them done. If I need lush instagram pics, then it’ll have to wait until then (usually on a weekend).
My plans revolve around my eyebrow, for example: “can we go out saturday morning?” Um nope, I’ll have to get my eyebrows done first.
The optimum day to go anywhere leisurely, expensive, looking professional is on eyebrow day.
The thread with the Messiah complex
Destined to be an eyebrow saviour.
Special shoutout to the sidechicks: tweezer and wax.
I can’t fix them with a bit of brow kit
That’s why I have to nag the beautician every minute, “I’m sorry can you just pass me the mirror?” You always feel like they’re taking a chunk out of your eyebrows. You don’t trust them, how can you? Your eyebrows are your babies.
You need to have a high pain threshold
Having thin eyebrows doesn’t mean it hurts less – it just means the pain doesn’t last as long. What may take one minute to finish on someone less blessed may last up to five minutes ripping out the millions of tiny hairs in a bushy browdonian.
The rules of 2019 have already been decided and there’s nothing we can do about it
People are already mad
by Caroline Phinney
I feel kind of bad for 2019 because people are already mad at it and it hasn't even started. It's like when you get with someone following a breakup and you're already assuming they're cheating on and lying to you, because why would anyone ever be genuine? How can you blame us though? Even if…
An Instagram influencer told us how to travel the world for free (or at least cheap AF)
Fine, I’m the Instagram influencer
by Nian Hu
So everyone's always asking me how I'm able to afford all of my many, many glamorous vacations to exotic destinations like Thailand and Greece. The answer, of course, is that I'm chronically broke and I literally wear the same three shirts over and over again. Now there's a solid money-saving hack! But another part of…
‘Inhumane and depressing’: Skoop describes the worst prison lockdown she’s ever experienced
‘They will fuck your whole cell up’
by Skoop Hernandez
Skoop is babe.net’s prison correspondent. She’s currently incarcerated in SCI-Muncy, a maximum security women’s prison in Pennsylvania. She loves flirting, cooking and trap music. She’s also a writer and she sends her columns to us by letter. Her nickname, as she likes to say, is Skoop because she scoops up all the girls. She’s here…