Someone reimagined ‘Spongebob’ characters as sexy men and now I kind of want to die

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Someone reimagined ‘Spongebob’ characters as sexy men and now I kind of want to die

Mr. Krabs is emo, and I’d probably sleep with him

Our parents used to tell us that just because we could do something, doesn't necessarily mean that we should do something.

This life lesson, though, wasn't imparted on talented Chinese artist XiaozuoZ, because he decided to bring my nightmares to life with renderings of Spongebob Squarepants characters as sexy anime men.

IRL Spongebob accompanied by a decidedly unsexy Gary the Snail

Don't get me wrong — XiaozuoZ is insanely skilled. And I know like, a lot about art because I had a Andy Warhol pop art Marilyn Monroe hanging in my college dorm room.

So because I'm basically an art historian, I can say with authority that the world never needed to see a rendering of Sandy Cheeks as a sexy fembot on a mission to take over Bikini Bottom with nothing but her charming Texas accent and a pair of the biggest squirrel titties I've ever seen:

The ocean’s no place for a squirrel

Next we have Mr. Krabs, who is emo and seems troubled — and he's the hottest of the bunch. He's a bad boy, and I'm pretty sure I could be the one to change him. Does he have a tragic backstory?

Welcome to the Black Parade

SORRY, but Spongebob and Patrick are totally gay, people. It's canon. And this picture of Patrick, dressed up like he's going to the Lady Gaga Born This Way Ball, is definitive proof:

Just guys bein’ dudes

Squidward's a softboy, and the character who gets sexy makeovers most frequently. Who else's dreams are still haunted by Handsome Squidward™?

Play it 4 me, bby

The most unexpected of all these sexy makeovers belongs to Plankton, who is literally a bug. That's what plankton are, right? Sea bugs? Idk, I went to a university with a 71% acceptance rate.

Anyway, here's Plankton wearing like…a magic amulet and a headpiece like Loki from the Marvel movies. I support it, I like science and technology.

I’ll be your Karen computer wife

Now you can never unsee this. Good luck hoping your life returns to normal — the night terrors will never stop.

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