I used Ed Sheeran lyrics as chat up lines on Tinder
Oh, maybe I came on too strong?
Ed Sheeran. The charming, ginger-haired musician from Suffolk who’s fluent in the language of love. He’s unwittingly seduced the female population with girls everywhere begging to be serenaded whilst they eat baked beans on toast. His 2014 hit ‘Thinking Out Loud’ is one of the most popular first dance songs at weddings, five couples got engaged at one of his concerts in London and who didn’t swoon when they saw that photo of him leaving the BRIT’s in his socks so his girlfriend could wear his trainers?
Whilst he may have women eating out of the palm of his hand, do his sweet song lyrics have the same effect on men? I decided to put this to the test and use Ed’s bewitching words of wisdom as chat up lines on Tinder in an attempt to woo my matches.
Who knows, maybe I’ll find a love ‘Perfect’ for me?
‘I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet’
Hello Romeo. Ed’s lyrics don’t seem to have fazed this guy, with his reply being as smooth as the rest of the song. One thing’s for sure, he can ‘Kiss Me’ anytime.
‘I’m thinking ’bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways. Maybe it’s all part of a plan?’
Clearly this guy thought Ed’s sacred song lyrics were some sort of cheesy pick up line. If this were true, Ed’s words would be an exquisite Brie when compared to this guy’s cliché Cheddar. Also just ‘Thinking Out Loud’ here, tone down the emoji usage would you?
‘Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul’
Finally, a fellow Sheerio! Maybe we can connect whilst listening to ÷ (Divide), sharing tear stained tissues and a tub of Ben and Jerry’s. We could even take a ‘Photograph’ to commemorate the magical moment.
‘Your love was handmade for somebody like me’
I have no words. Clearly my attempt at romance has gone straight over this guy’s head and down to his dick. Sorry, but the ‘Shape of You’ and the shape of me are definitely not compatible.
‘I could live, I could die hanging on the words you say’
Ahhh, Tinder karaoke. In this modern day love story it seems Ed Sheeran is the music maestro, my Tinder match is Troy Bolton and I’m Gabriella Montez. Could this be the start of something new? I’m ready to ‘Dive’ right in and find out.
‘Give me love like never before’
Sheeran’s silver-tongue has no impact here, instead makes this match so uncomfortable he resorts to small talk. Why’s it so hard for a guy to ‘Give Me Love’?
‘And should this be the last thing I see, I want you to know it’s enough for me’
There appears to be some miscommunication here. Evidently, this tinder match does not speak the language of love. Maybe he should study the lyrics of Ed’s 2014 song ‘Tenerife Sea’ to gain a basic understanding.
‘I saw a shooting star and thought of you’
It seem’s not only girls are seduced by Ed’s soft words. This guy is just as susceptible to Sheeran’s charms, simply left in awe of my chat up line. It’s as though ‘All Of The Stars’ aligned when I swiped right.
‘I never knew you were the someone waiting for me’
Short and sweet, there is no messing around with this guy. If anything, Ed’s words have just reaffirmed the fact that he is God’s gift to womenkind. Not exactly the ‘Perfect’ response I was looking for.
‘How would you feel, if I told you I loved you?’
Since one liners weren’t stirring any romantic feelings in this match, I decided to serenade him with the whole chorus to Ed’s song ‘How Would You Feel’. Apparently, he wasn’t feeling much. No proclamation of love that is accompanied by a laughing face emoji can be taken seriously.
What I’ve learnt from this experience is clear. Men are immune to Ed Sheeran’s sensual song lyrics. They simply don’t experience the same rush of emotions as women do.
Instead of invoking feelings of love and lust in my Tinder matches, Ed’s lyrics only lead to many embarrassing conversations where I had to explain my romantic advances and convince them I wasn’t a ‘psycho’.
Next time, I think I’ll save myself the hassle and let the guy pop up first.