A small collection of the weirdest and worst Tinder bios we’ve ever come across
Not including the 219428402180 profiles which say ‘please be interesting’
Tinder is a weird place. A strange barren wasteland, a post-apocalyptic hellscape filled with people looking to fuck. Because it is a weird place, most of us combat that by coming up with profiles that might be quirky or funny but are ultimately normal enough that whoever’s swiping on you doesn’t think “cool, this person’s gonna keep me in a cage in their basement and peel off my skin to eat with a nice Chianti”.
Not these people though. These people, who have actually appeared on the app in real, terrifying life, have taken a rather different tactic.
The full package:
Barry who wants to quench your desires, potentially using his jazz hands:
Just a lot to take in af:
Have to admire the flexibility here:
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say Omeo is an ass man:
I would take this offer I’m not even lying it’s f i f t y d o l l a r s:
Ah you like rugby? A shock! Shocking:
She was fearless, and crazier than him. She was his queen, and God help anyone who disrespected his queen:
The most visceral ‘is that your baby’ negative reaction I have ever felt:
Arrrgh! Rape jokes and memes ahead! I shall probably find ye on Reddit!
A hustle’s a hustle to be fair:
No wait, this is the most visceral ‘is that your baby’ reaction I’ve ever had:
I’m very overwhelmed by this one and I think his profile pic – I think – is from Assassin’s Creed so there’s that:
Remember those Goosebumps books where it was like ‘what do you do, turn to page 26 to continue’. That’s what this profile is like and I love it:
The secret to perfect skin that never ages: Minding your own damn business
Consider this your reward for not being racist!
by Nian Hu
You've probably heard this before: black don't crack, Asian don't raisin, brown don't frown. And it's true! Just look at Pharrell. That man has literally looked like a college freshman for the past 10 years. Thanks to the power of melanin, people of color tend to age remarkably well.White people, however, aren't usually so lucky…
Watch this bloodthirsty grandma shoot the fuck out of a 500lb gator because it ate her pet horse
by Josh Kaplan
What do you think your grandmother is doing right now? For those of you lucky enough to answer anything other than "turning in her grave, ashamed of the useless offspring she accidentally created", your grandma is probably doing something wholesome. Maybe baking a nice pumpkin pie (the first of the season), or thinking about what…
If your man yells at his Alexa, you need to dump him ASAP
Don’t you dare disrespect Alexa!
by Nian Hu
I'm sure you're familiar with that old adage that goes a little something like, "how a guy treats his mom says everything about how he'll treat you." And it's solid advice, except none of us have the time to meet the mothers of every single one of our 37 Hinge matches. Shit, I barely have…