All the terrible, inevitable beauty decisions you make when you’re drunk
But it seemed like such a good idea at the time
by Alex Wright
The skillset of the modern woman is ever evolving, but there’s one thing we have yet to master, and that’s doing your makeup before you head on a night out, but being way too drunk to even hold an eyeliner pencil straight. Does this stop us from trying? Nope. Not even a little bit.
We can’t see straight, and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to tackle the stairs to your bedroom, but this does not stop us from attempting to straighten up an eyeliner flick, or adding “just a tiny bit more highlighter/bronzer/blusher” to get that glow just right.
Attempting an extravagant cat eye with liquid eyeliner when you know you’re only at pencil eyeliner level
You struggle getting pencil liner straight at your best – AKA when you’re sober. But for some reason, a handful of vodka jelly shots have got you thinking you’re an MUA capable of working at MAC with your own beauty YouTube channel. The end product is inevitably less cat eye, more panda eye. Everyone should have dreams, but maybe don’t try them out when you’re half cut and can’t see straight.
Attempting to re-shave your legs because you’re sure you missed a spot before
Except you forget the shaving cream and water, so you end up with blood running down your leg from all those cuts from dry shaving. Way worse than that tiny bit of hair your missed that no one could even see.
Deciding that three double vodkas in is the best time to tweeze your eyebrows
Tweezing your eyebrows is risky at the best of times. Just pray you have enough eyebrow pencil let to fix the mess when your hands shake and suddenly you’ve tweezed out half an eyebrow. Seriously, it’s happened to me before. Be careful out there.
Reapplying matte liquid lipstick before you go out/in the club bathroom
This will go one of two ways: it either ends up all over your teeth, or smudged all round your mouth/chin. Once you’ve sunk a handful of jagerbombs at the club bar it’s practically all off anyway, so what’s the point?
Lending out your lipstick to random girls in the club
Seriously, why do we all think this is a good idea as soon as we’ve had a few drinks? I struggle to lend my lipstick to my mum, let alone some randomer I’ve just met. But drunk me obviously has different ideas. And every girl knows the day-after struggle between deciding whether to throw that lipstick out, or just praying you don’t get any cold sores. Or worse.
Backcombing your hair for volume, and ending up with a birds nest on your head
If you really want more volume, try a volumizing powder. Much less fallout if it all inevitably goes wrong – it will.
Reapplying your highlight because you can’t get the glow just right
And ending up with enough glow that you get mistaken for Frankie Avalon in Grease.
Deciding that now is the perfect time to try contouring for the first time ever
Contouring is hard. Really hard. It just doesn’t seem like it could be that hard when you’re drunk. I mean, if you can stomach those tequila shots, how much harder could contouring be?
Adding more blusher for that “natural” fresh faced glow
It never looks natural, it looks like you’ve just run five miles at the gym and headed straight out before showering. Basically, you end up looking like a clown. If you’ve forgotten to apply it before you had that bottle of wine, then just leave it: the club’s hot enough to give you that red cheek glow anyway.
Not taking your makeup off before you go to bed
You know the drill: you’re drunk, tired, your feet feel like they’re going to fall off, and you’ve just spent half an hour with your head in the toilet throwing up. The last thing in the world you want to do is spend however long taking off your makeup, and that is why you wake up feeling like someone’s painted a coat of dirt and grime all over your face, with a massive zit on your chin.
Just what you want to deal with when you’re hungover.
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