Fuckboys are evolving, and becoming easier and easier to fall for

Just one calendar year ago, there were internet users who didn’t know what a fuckboy was.

In December 2004 it got its first Urban Dictionary entry as “A person who is a weak ass pussy that ain’t about shit,” and since then the term has evolved into a archetypal staple common in the everyday speech of everyone from kids, to parents, to grandparents.

Everybody knows a fuckboy, and if you don’t that just means you are a fuckboy. But what we weren’t ready for was their evolution. Where have all the real fuckboys gone, and who are these seemingly normal men who have replaced them?

The fuckboy has evolved before, and he’ll evolve again, but the current status of the fuckboy is scary to say the least. They’re getting smarting, they’re getting easier to love, they’re getting politer, and I don’t know how much longer my heart can take this.

I think I’ve finally met my match.

If I fell for your ticks before you said “please,” now there’s absolutely nothing setting off alarms in my head. It’s like someone said to them, “Hey, if you’re nice to the girls, they’ll fall even harder for you.”

But do not be mistaken. Fuckboys aren’t nicer, they’ve just gotten better at getting what they want. Their attempts are more thoughtful and calculated.

You’re supposed to exhibit all of the warning signs: demanding nudes, sending undesired nudes, texting “u up?” at 3 am.

“Wanna hang?” at 10 pm just will not do.

Now I like you and I’ve told my mom about you. And She kind of likes you too. So when you inevitably do something to ruin this — they always do — I’ll tell her about that too.

And then she’ll hate you, and I’ll never be able to take you back again . . . But of course I will.

So here’s to the boys who still wait until 3 am to ask if we’re up. At least their half-assed attempts at getting ass aren’t veiled. But beware: Once one evolves, they all evolve.

Sheep.

@carolinephinney