Sorry I can’t date you, I’m already being emotionally manipulated by someone else
Wish I had the time, you seem great!
by Amanda Ross
Oh my gosh, you’re too sweet. I’m flattered, really. But I can’t go out with you. I’m just way to busy getting mind-fucked right now.
It’s like a carrot dangling just out of reach thing, you know? My iPhone calendar is just so full of pseudo-dates that he’ll either never bother to show up to or just cancel so he can ask me to come over instead. And honestly, you’re being really nice right now but I just can’t commit to being emotionally neglected by two people at once. Like, when would I have time to ever go to the gym? And then my body would get even worse, and I’d probably die of something preventable and it’ll be all your fault.
I’m really sorry, I just have a full plate right now. Literally right after this I have to go lay there while he pretends to “forget” that he shouldn’t come inside me, and then pay for myself and probably him to get some tacos even though he promised to “get me back next time.” There really isn’t ever a next time, I know in my heart of hearts. But when have any of my choices ever made sense and been made with my best interest in mind?
Seriously though, I’m flattered you asked and maybe if the timing was different you could totally scar me for life and give me all kinds of crazy trust issues but that’s just not my situation right now.
I hope we can still be friends, by which I mean you’ll send me a drunken dick pic over Snap and then immediately write back with “Oops, not for you.”
If you’re mad at women who take pretty Instagram pictures, please reevaluate your life immediately
Y’all need to get a life!
by Nian Hu
Lately, there's been a disturbing trend where Instagram influencers — predominantly female ones — have been receiving a barrage of harassment and hateful comments for committing the heinous crime of posting a pretty photo on Instagram.Scarlet London, a London-based influencer with over 50,000 followers on Instagram, received death threats after posting a photo on August…
24h Flash Sale! 50% off babe hats and a free month of membership
For 24h only, get a babe hat for $13* (includes shipping) and get your first month of membership free **U.S. ONLY** $13 sale price (usually $25) includes shipping within the United States. You will be charged $2.99 when your trial ends in a month. Of course, you can cancel at any time. SHOP THE FLASH SALE
by Eleni Mitzali
For 24h only, get a babe hat for $13* (includes shipping) and get your first month of membership free **U.S. ONLY** $13 sale price (usually $25) includes shipping within the United States. You will be charged $2.99 when your trial ends in a month. Of course, you can cancel at any time. SHOP THE FLASH SALE…
Beyoncé’s ex-drummer is accusing her of ‘extreme witchcraft’ and murdering a pet kitten
I hope the witchcraft part is true, at least
by Amanda Ross
No, it's not part of the new American Horror Story season! These are all facts, baby. Well, accusations. Beyoncé's former drummer filed a restraining order against the singer for a litany of alleged offenses including practicing "extreme" witchcraft, harassing and stalking her, casting “magic spells of sexual molestation" and even murdering her kitten. Documents uncovered…