So apparently people are now applying make-up using lightbulbs and you know what no, no I’m done
I’m getting off the internet this is where I draw the line
I admit it, I don’t get beauty vloggers. I don’t get the “welcome to my videos!” vocal fry. I don’t know how to contour. I haven’t washed my make-up brushes in like, six months. It’s just not up there as a priority and who can afford the gas bill for turning on your heating to dry them on a radiator? No one.
This means that usually, when a beauty vlogger tries out a ridiculous new thing, like putting on one hundred layers of foundation or doing a full face in highlighter or applying their make-up with a condom or something stupid, I react like most of the rest of the internet and laugh in a “huh, weird” kind of way before clicking into the next tab to scroll through dog memes for the next 45 minutes. But in this world every person has a limit, and my limit, I regret to announce, is people putting on their make-up with fucking lightbulbs.
That’s where we are at this point. We’re living in a world where people use literal lightbulbs to put on their foundation, specifically, people like Ashley Blue DeFrancesco, a vlogger from LA who posted a video on Instagram of her using literal HOUSEHOLD FURNITURE to blend and apply their outdoor face.
The video, which was only posted two days ago, has since been viewed by over 119,000 people, and has amassed thousands of comments and online reactions. Which is of course, exactly the point. In among the comments are people saying things like “ugh, why do people do stupid shit like this” and “this is lowkey the stupidest thing I’ve seen today”. And there, among the quantifiers like “lowkey” and “today” are the seeds of more and more bizarre shit being planned.
Today someone uses a lightbulb to blend their contour. Tomorrow what, a chair? Kitchen tongs? Where do we go from here in the pursuit of views and shares? We have fallen so so far from God’s light. Everyone reaches a point on the internet where they have seen too much of this world and have to walk away. For some people that’s like, when they’re twelve and they get sent around an execution video from Rotten.com and their mom has to come up to the school for a meeting.
For me, that is lightbulb make-up application. I’ve had enough. Shut down my social media profiles and leave me alone.
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