BuzzFeed has officially gone too far with this batshit theory about Jack from ‘Titanic’

Don't get me wrong — BuzzFeed does lots of things really well. The political reporting department is doing an incredible job of (attempting) to hold the Trump Administration accountable, I really enjoy their cute cat content, and the first-person narratives they publish are always really compelling.

What I can't deal with, however, is this bullshit. This offensive, slanderous bullshit about the greatest movie — no, FILM — ever made.

In a post, BuzzFeed poses the worst theory I've ever read about a 20-plus-year-old movie.

BuzzFeed claims, via Reddit, that Jack was never a real person, and instead just a figment of Rose's imagination. And it's just clickbait trash.

You know what their smoking gun was? This exchange between the present-day (1999) ruins explorer and Old Ass Rose:

The explorer guy says there's no record of a guy name Jack ever existing, to which Old Ass Rose says:

Really, BuzzFeed writer (BuzzFeeder?)? This is the buzz you're feeding me? Did you even watch this better-than-Citizen-Kane-and-almost-better-than-Shrek masterpiece?

Of course there wouldn't be any record of Jack — he was like basically a boxcar runaway youth who hopped from under-the-table job to under-the-table job and now here's eating with you fine people.

There probably weren't viable records of like, 90 percent of the human population back in 1912. It was all like a lawless Wild Wild West. Or something. I mean, the fact that upon arriving in America, Rose could just give her name as Rose Dawson kind of proves that…well, nothing was provable then. Also, I guess IDs would have washed away in the sinking. If they even existed.

Also, there definitely wasn't room on the door for two. Bye, Satan.