Nobody panic but apparently the world may literally run out of avocados

In what might be the whitest, most basic sentence to ever be published, today I come to you with sad news: the days of freewheeling cheap and plentiful avocados will soon be behind us. The darkness will come soon enough and we have only ourselves to blame.

Our insatiable lust for the glorious avocado, coupled with some poor harvests mean they might soon be extinct, or just too expensive to put on every single fucking food we eat and subsequently post on Instagram at peak times of the day for optimum likes.

The wholesale price of the fruit (yeah, it’s a fruit guys) has skyrocketed in the past year, with a 10kg box doubling from £10.50 to £21. That’s the highest it has been in 20 years my dudes.

And the weather hasn’t helped either, floods in Peru and Mexico coupled with a drought in California has pretty much fucked the avocado harvest – it’s down 44 per cent.

Michael Angelo, sales VP at avocado producer Westfalia said of the impending crisis: “In California, right where the avocados are grown, you are paying $3 a piece, and $1.50 for a smaller avocado. A couple of months ago the smaller avocado would be half that price.

“The US used to be the largest consumer but now the UK, France, Europeans and even Russians, Middle East and China are all waking up to the health benefits. There are fears that Mexico might run out completely.”

I’m scared.

@rosielanners