Name one thing on this planet more sinful than a ‘Where’s my hug?’ guy

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Name one thing on this planet more sinful than a ‘Where’s my hug?’ guy

I’ll wait

The fact that we have to reside within the same animal kingdom as the “Where’s my hug?” guy is bad enough — much less the same species, and science tells me they aren’t going away any time soon.

Here’s why I know that: When you really water him down to his purest form, the “Where’s my hug?” guy is nothing more than an underdeveloped version of the “What would you do if I were there right now?” guy. And, here’s the real killer, with a little persistence and enough training, it’s more than likely he’s headed towards an “I’m your daddy now” kind of lifestyle.

If I could train my arms to detach from my body and fall limply to the ground any time a guy comes up to ask that question, I would — but I shouldn’t have to. These arms have belonged to me for some 20-odd years, and I don’t want to give them up for you. I mean, you wouldn’t ask a girl “Where’s my se–,” oh wait.

Take it from the huggers themselves. If the moment you start approaching us, we turn our bodies to a 45 degree angle so the only thing your bony chest can possibly make contact with is our elbow, we’re definitely uncomfortable and anybody within a 50 ft radius is uncomfortable as well.

If you see this, send help.

All we want you to understand that if you ever ask us “Where’s my hug,” our reply will be, “I dunno, haven’t seen it — but come on, I can help you look,” and then you’ll be stuck spending your day with us, hunting for a hug that will literally never come to fruition.

@carolinephinney