Men who prefer dogs over cats are unoriginal, weak and will not survive the winter

We have a problem in society, a huge one. OK, we have a few, but let’s focus on the most egregious one first because I can only fight so many battles today. I’m talking about this weird, preconceived notion that guys who like dogs are superior to male cat lovers.

I’m sorry, what?

Look at what happens when I type in “male cat owners are” into the Google search bar. I’m shooketh.

Men who prefer cats over dogs aren’t such normal and good — they’re better . I hate the break this to you via article, but dog owners are…well, fuckboys.You know it’s true. Think about the hottest dog owner you know. He has like a lab or an Air Bud dog, right? I bet he always wears boat shoes and a backwards cap. Admit it!

Cats and cat owners are superior, and it might be time to drop whatever dog you’re messing with and find yourself a cat daddy.

Guys with cats make better boyfriends

They say what they mean and don’t do anything unless they really want to. There’s no artifice with a cat owner.

Cats are a lot like women — and don’t make a pussy joke, you’re better than that…maybe. But seriously, we’re both pretty contradictory species. We simultaneously want to be pet and left alone, attention and solitude, snuggles and to shred you to ribbons with our claws and sink our fangs into your soft flesh while you cry out in pain. And we’re pretty into grooming. A guy cat owner knows how to deal with all of that, and won’t be blind-sided when you get upset that he took you seriously about “not caring where we eat.”

Cat owners are just smarter, sorry

Don’t blame me, blame science. It’s been proven in studies time and time again that cat owners score higher on intelligence tests — but I didn’t need scientific research to tell me that.

I’ve had dogs my whole life, and even my smartest dogs have been idiots. They smash into glass doors, try to eat Ziploc bags and wag their tails like total morons when you talk to them in a baby voice even if you’re calling them a stanky fuckface. Not that I ever would.

Guys with cats are more original and independent

If I drove my car off a waterfall, my dogs would probably try to leap after me. Loyalty is great and all, but what the fuuuuck are you guys doing? My cat (today is her birthday, HBD Mouse!) doesn’t blindly follow my commands. She listens when I call her and decides if she wants to come hang out. Mouse lives totally on her terms.

And cat owners are the exact same way. They’re not going to follow what everyone else is doing — they’re going to do what they want, society be damned. And isn’t originality the ultimate commodity?

Men who own cats aren’t obnoxious about it

“Are you a dog person or a cat person?”

Cat Person: I definitely prefer cats but I like all animals

Dog Person: YOU KNOW YOUR CAT DOESN’T LOVE YOU BACK

Cat owners make you work for it, and that’s a good thing

No one likes an easy target. We’ve known since like, third grade that being hard to get is the way to play it and it’s the most frustratingly alluring thing in the world. Isn’t the best feeling finally getting affection and love from someone who doesn’t go around throwing it at everyone?

Dog owners, like their pets, are sluts for attention. Seriously, a dog will let anyone pet it. Which is good news for me, who loves to pet, but is that really a quality you want in a man? You want all the girls at the bar petting your man? Hard pass. You’ve gotta work for the attention of a cat and their owner. And once you get it, you’ll know it’s well-deserved.

I might be a little biased, though. I mean, look at this face: