Girls get blue balls too — we just call it sex

If you’re wondering why we’re so keen for you to go to the bathroom first after sex, it’s so we can hurriedly, discretely, finish ourselves off before that area loses absolutely all sensitivity. Not that that five minute “slam-sesh” wasn’t absolutely rousing, but take your time in there.

No we’re not “clingy” and “into cuddling” — actually this is really sweaty and awful — we’re just still violently horny. Please, Jesus, have mercy.

Male blue balls, as explained by the wise, old men of Urban Dictionary, is “the ‘excrutiating’ pain a man receives when his balls swell because of lack of sex, unfinished bjs, and just not cummin.” Don’t we know the feeling all too well. Because girls get blue balls too — we just call it sex.

When will we get a term for a blue vagina that sounds less like a cocktail made entirely of absinthe and jolly ranchers, and more like the seriously grave situation it is?

Heterosexual women have far fewer orgasms during sex than any other demographic, and it’s notably fewer than heterosexual men. Actually, of all demographics, heterosexual men are most likely to finish, saying they usually or always orgasm when they’re sexually intimate, with 95 percent agreeing.

In fact, they often find themselves edging, a technique that allows a person to delay orgasm. In some cases it’s done to prolong sex, and in most cases, it makes their orgasm more intense once it does occur. So not only are they getting their orgasm, but it’s a really good one, too. Never mind the bomb-ass session we’re supplying them with.

https://twitter.com/Ferlizzle/status/845953325329637376

The next time a guy begs us to finish him off we’ll tell him to file it under: Probably the wrong time and place.

@carolinephinney