Scientific proof the world was a better place when the Jonas Brothers were still together

Do I even need to say it? You know what, I’m gonna say it anyway:

Things are bad! Like, reeeeally bad.

But you know when it all started to go downhill? Right after the Jonas Brothers announced their all-but-permanent hiatus.

I mean seriously, think about it. Every horrible thing happening in the world right now can be linked to the brothers Jonas choosing to go their own way/do various reality TV shows for C-list networks.

You want proof? I’ve got proof:

THEN: Jonas Brothers released ‘Burning Up’

NOW: The earth is burning up, all but literally on fire

It used to be high heels, red dresses, and electing our first Black President. Now it’s dismantling the EPA and letting our children be hosed down with pesticides — or as House Republicans cal it, “Angel Mist.”

THEN: Jonas Brothers perform at the White House Easter Egg Roll

NOW: Sean Spicer performs against his will in a bunny suit

Yes, the performed at the Bush’s last Easter in the White House but even though you shouldn’t be conned by W.’s dog-loving artsy grandpa schtick, he never gave up intelligence to the Russians.

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THEN: Jonas Brothers promise us a fruitful future in Year 3000

NOW: We’re not even gonna make it to Year 2018

We might still be underwater, though. Except instead of living in a society where Kelly Clarkson is still a reference point, our corpses will be floating through a nuclear waste-filled ocean like so much human buoys.

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THEN: Jonas Brothers’ adorable little bro is nicknamed the Bonus Jonas

NOW: Frankie Jonas arrested for drug possession

Aw, #tbt to all those J-14 Magazine DID U KNOW?! blurbs about the fourth and youngest JoBro Frankie. Now, Frankie is a hardened criminal. OK, fine, it was just a pop for having some weed. But still, what would Disney think of it all?

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THEN: Jonas Brothers release tour dates via MySpace

NOW: People are setting themselves on fire via Facebook Live

You know, I only vaguely remember an era before people were killing each other / themselves on livestream for their extended family and former middle school classmates to see but I miss it.

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THEN: Jonas Brothers open for Avril Lavigne’s Best Damn Thing tour

NOW: Avril Lavigne dead and replaced by a body-double

It’s recently come to light that Avril Lavigne was killed and replaced by a doppleganger in order to preserve her money-making abilities. Do you think Joe and the boys knew they were basically complicit in the greatest cover-up in music history?! An iconic scam, the likes of which we may never see again.

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THEN: Elder Jonas Brother Kevin best known as ‘the smart one’

NOW: Elder Jonas Brother Kevin best known as a meme

Oh, Kevin. Some things never change.