It’s national ‘Send a Nude Day’ so if you’ve been looking for an excuse to hoe out, here it is

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It’s national ‘Send a Nude Day’ so if you’ve been looking for an excuse to hoe out, here it is

My favorite holiday

Remember when Mean Girls came out in 2004 and everyone was quoting that line about how Halloween is the “one night a year” a girl can dress like a total slut and no one can say anything about it?

Oh my gosh, how quaint! The fact that Regina’s Sexy Bunny bodysuit was considered salacious dates the movie more than the landlines used in the three-way call attack. I mean, we had never even heard the name “Kardashian”, let alone seen all of their naked bodies.

My point is, things are different now. We’re liberated women, and liberated women get to do whatever they want — and that includes scamming money from men, eating bread, and sending naked pictures to whoever we want. Sometimes, though, our own hotness isn’t enough and we need a flimsy excuse to hide behind.

Good thing it’s officially Send a Nude Day!

Sorry my boob is stretching your face out @spaceykacey

A post shared by Amanda Ross (@itsamandaross) on Aug 5, 2018 at 7:11am PDT

The most important thing to remember about Send a Nude Day is that there are no set limitations or regulations. What you send and to whom you send is totally up the air. But with great hoe power comes great hoe responsibility. Like, could you send an up-close picture of your butthole to your dad’s boss? Yeah, totally. Should you? Depends on how much you love your dad. My thesis here is that you gotta think before you pull the trigger.

A nude is a powerful thing and, like your pretty lil mind, a terrible thing to waste. You really only get one shot, one opportunity to make an impact so do not miss your chance to blow.

Timing, of course, is key. In my humble opinion, the best nude arrives unexpectedly but not inappropriately. Which means maybe don’t send it when you know he or she is is giving a presentation with their iMessage linked to their computer. But the element of surprise is your friend here. First thing in the morning, right after you guys say goodbye, when he’s at dinner with friends, or out to drink with some bitch who’s not you.

I was too scared to put this on Instagram tbh

Next up is the what. I’ve never been one to tell other women what to do, but I extend this word of caution: no close-ups. Like if it’s not immediately apparent what body part you sent, girl it is toooo close. Back up. Also, I know in an ideal world we could send anything to anyone without the risk of revenge porn but that’s not our existence so maybe just give some thought to not including your face. But if you do, that’s your prerogative and I bet you look cute as hell. What mascara is that?

Finally, we come to the most important part: the accompanying message. Yeah, you could send a winky face or a water droplet emoji or a “thinking about you!” text. That’s all great…if they’re your significant other.

Want to really freak them out? Drop the nude. Wait 30 seconds. Then text “Oops, wrong person.”

Use it wisely, my friends. Happy sexting.

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