How your dating profile would look, if it was up to men
Basically, don’t post group photos, don’t ever use filters, and don’t be fat
Look, dating apps are serious business. I never thought they were before. I was so naive. I thought they were just things we used to meet people because we’re busy and it’s fun and easy but apparently, according to the apoplectically angry, misogynistic and opinionated people of the internet, dating apps are infuriating because women just keep fucking them up!
I never realised there were quite so many different ways that you could get your Tinder or Bumble presence so devastatingly wrong, but apparently there are. So strap yourself in, open the app and get ready to do a serious overhaul. This is what the men of Twitter think you should be doing on dating apps, and what you should avoid at all costs. And they must know what they’re talking about, right?
OK, so first of all don’t like dogs
why do tinder girls like dogs so much
I'm not showing you my dogs
— Gabriel ✧ (@pocketsenpai) May 13, 2017
Don’t have the same name as Josh’s unnamed ex-girlfriend
Why do the majority of girls on tinder have to share the same name as my ex?!. Ruins the fun tbh as seeing that name infuriates me.
— Josh. (@just__j0shin) May 23, 2017
Always reply to every single person who ever messages you, ever
Never include any photos of you with another man
Why do girls have tinder pics with dudes who obvi look like a bf? I'm not swiping right on your drama lol
— beh (@Behradsays) May 21, 2017
Never include any photos of you with your friends
Why do girls only use pics of them with a group of other girls on Tinder¿
— kyler (@KylerHasAids) May 19, 2017
Why do girls put group pics on #Tinder how the hell am I supposed to know which one you are. Looking for a date not a game of where's Wally
— EoinItalia90 (@EoinMItalia90) April 13, 2017
Hate when girls have nothing but group photos on tinder.. You cheeky cow I know you're the munter
— Farran (@farranturner) February 1, 2017
Accept men of all heights regardless of your own height or personal preference because otherwise they will get sad
why do girls think its ok to put "must be XX height or do not contact" on Tinder profiles? Heightism is real my dudes.
— JOE EXOTIC 2018 OK (@JoeExotic) May 17, 2017
Live close to Tommy
Why do all the hottest girls on tinder live so far away
— Groovy Tone (@Tommymacutek) April 29, 2017
Don’t take photos of your ass
Why do tinder girls send booty pictures like thx but no thx you ain't got no ass
— io (@legendofmar) April 7, 2017
Don’t have high expectations
why do girls stay on tinder if they know they're only gonna get fboys like why disappoint yourself and annoy everyone with screenshots smh
— li (@syscfg) April 3, 2017
Don’t, under any circumstances, put any of these things in your bio
Why do girls put shit like 'Psycho' in their tinder bio as if it's an attractive quality to have lol
— Max Shallcross (@MaxiShalkz) March 30, 2017
Why do girls put "420 friendly" in their tinder bio like it's one of the main things that defines them as a person?
— Andrew Field (@andrewfield00) March 27, 2017
I hate it when I see "i dont know why I'm on here" on a girls tinder bio. Shut up, yes you do.
— Ballszack (@zack_allain) March 22, 2017
But also, don’t, like, not have a bio
I hate when girls don't have a description in their tinder bios. Like what do I open up with?
— goof nick (@slickknick_) April 10, 2017
Don’t wait to see if you like someone or if they’ll kill you, do everything right away
when girls on tinder be like: umm, i cant give you my number…its too early for that.why do you wanna meet?..its too early for that etc1/3
— Atelophobic (@SamimButt) March 26, 2017
Don’t use filters (this one is like, really important)
Why do some girls on tinder have filters on all their pics? Literally admitting you're a 5/10 at best
— $ (@fuckconz) March 18, 2017
Some Girls: I hate that men are so dishonest, right I'm off to do a selfie for my Tinder profile with all the filters and flattering angles.
— Balti Pie (@BaltiPie1) April 18, 2017
The more I meet up with girls from Tinder and Bumble, the more I really hate Snapchat filters.
— JΦHN R. KRUSINSKI (@Krusczinski) March 7, 2017
Don’t enjoy cocaine
i don't understand why i keep meeting girls on tinder who do coke.
oh right…because it's tinder.
— COREY TATE. (@CoreyAllenTate) March 11, 2017
Don’t enjoy avocados
Putting "I fucking hate avocados" in my tinder bio cause I know that's a deal breaker for most white girls and we don't want any surprises
— Jordan Smith (@jschmitty93) April 7, 2017
You must swipe right on absolutely every single guy you see on the app or they will get upset
Literally swipe right for 98% of girls on tinder but only match with every 1 in 17, fucking hate that app
— Adam Klein (@MDMAdam_) May 18, 2017
Don’t have a ‘dyke haircut’
Don't you hate when you see girls w the dyke hair do on tinder? LIKE BABE I NEED HAIR TO PULL WHILE I HIT IT FROM BEHIND LIKE YEEEEEHAWWWWWW
— Donnie Cares (@DtotheOnnie) May 16, 2017
Don’t try to have a conversation. Remember: you’re just here to suck a stranger’s dick
I hate when girls on tinder try to have a convo with me. I'm trying to get my dick sucked here. I don't care how ur day was
— Astros SZN (@HtOwNzOuTLaW713) May 14, 2017
Don’t be fat
You know one thing I hate is fat girls on tinder ?
— Slim Picks. (@2Jaays_) May 4, 2017
Don’t enjoy sports unless you know every obscure fact about that sport for the last 30 years
i hate matching with girls on tinder who "like" hockey. do u know who lead the nhl in scoring in 1931? of course not. fuck you poser
— isaac del rey (@idontscoreoften) February 9, 2017
And once you’ve got all that down, most importantly don’t forget to have fun!
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