Guys are paying this girl to critique dick pics, and I think I just found my new side job

When Maddie Holden an editor, freelance writer and ex-lawyer isn’t critiquing articles, you can find her drowning in a sea of dicks.

Dick pics that is.

“People send me pictures of their dicks, and I critique them with love,” Maddie told babe.

Maddie says she originally got into the business of critiquing dick pics in September 2013, after receiving an unusually good dick pic in her personal life.

“I woke up to an excellent dick pic. I can remember it quite clearly: it was a low-lit shot of a firmly-erect penis straining sideways through boxers, and I was thrilled to receive it: it was subtle, it wasn’t unsolicited, and it was unusually sexy for a Snapchatted cock shot.

“It also changed the trajectory of my life,” she told babe.

She has a hard time keeping up with the volume of submissions

“I’m inundated with them, and unfortunately can’t review every one, so only a dick pic sender’s best work should be submitted to [email protected].

“I receive about 20-40 per day. Every day I receive dozens more pictures than I could ever hope to review, and an alarming amount of them are still of terrible quality.”

The dick pics get graded

Maddie always makes sure to give people enough feedback to improve their dick pics for next time:

“This is a bright and well-executed dick pic, sender.”

“As with almost all high-quality dick pics, you have included a generous portion of your body in the shot, and your picture is benefiting from an abundance of natural lighting and white space. You are gripping yourself convincingly and, while a slightly less cluttered background would be ideal, your confident pose carries the shot.”

“Overall, a very good effort, sender. Your dick pic gets an A-.“

It’s not about size, it’s about composition

“I receive very little negative feedback about grades, which I’m grateful for!”

All dicks are welcome

“I never refuse to publish on weirdness alone; in fact sometimes the weird ones are the best ones to publish. I tend not to publish boring ones.

“Submissions from trans people, people of color, and other groups who are underrepresented in the dick pic world are welcome and encouraged.”

Senders can guarantee a review by paying

Of course nobody is required to pay, but people interested in a private, emailed review of their dick pic can pay $10, and because of the volume of submissions, those who want a guaranteed review on the site can pay $25. Just email [email protected] with the subject line ‘special review’ for details.

I think I just found my new side job.

@carolinephinney