Here’s what your crush’s name says about him, according to Urban Dictionary

If you haven’t been on Urban Dictionary since 2010, you’re like most of us. But really, we need to give this all-knowing online resource more credit. Where else would we have learned about blow jobs or what Jeremy really meant when he said he wanted to butter your muffin?

We decided to ask the bible of knowledge about that guy you’ve been seeing and here’s the results. Just as a note, if you’re dating a Robert, run now.

Alexander

A nice guy; decently honest; has a grudge against ocelots; gentleman; complicated; shy; sensitive; fun to be around. Quite possibly the greatest person in the world… coolest of the cools.

Andrew

The person I am most in love with. The one I want to give me another chance. The best thing that has ever happened to me. The worst thing you can ever lose. My favorite mistake. The angel of my nightmare. A super amazing, hot, unforgettable boy.

Anthony

An amazing person who is equally attractive. He is the best friend you will ever meet. He also likes donuts.

Ben

A guy who’s amazing at giving women head. A true cunninglinguist. Long tongue, skill, not afraid to get wet behind the ears, etc.

Brandon

A strong and independent man with firm beliefs he shares only with his trusted circle. He is kind and loyal – a friend for life. Highly intelligent and often self-taught, he can beat you in a full- on debate or a game of chess. His intense curiosity defines him as a Seeker. He is one-of-a-kind. If you meet Brandon, you will know him instantly and find him hard to forget so don’t.

Brett

A male who is well-known amongst his friends as a womanizer and has a huge, inflated ego. But he is also goonishly handsome and a blast to hang out with. As long as you don’t fall for him you will be fine… but good luck with that ’cause he is just so charismatic. Once you do fall for a Brett, you will never be able to look at another guy the same way.

Brian

Can be a dick, but a loving down-to-earth mama’s boy. He usually gets everything he wants. And good in bed.

Caleb/Kaleb

To have a sexy body. To have strong biceps and ripped abs and a nice ass.

Charlie

The sweetest guy you could ever meet. You’d be lucky to have him as a friend, and the luckiest person in the world to date him. Once you have him don’t let him go. He’s incredibly sexy with an amazing personality. Has an amazing sense of humor. Knows how to make a girl feel like the world. You could never be bored while you’re with Charlie. Amazing in bed ;)

Christopher

The nicest guy in the world. He slowly seeps into your heart and warms your soul with the gentlest of ease until you feel like you never want to let go. He catches you by surprise with kisses in elevators and nights with the soundest of sleep. When trying to leave the bed, he can pull you back with just the simplest of glances. Yes, he’s a keeper.

Daniel

This is a difficult name to define because it defies many boundaries of human perception, let alone various languages. One of the closest translations that experts give is God or many other variations of that general idea. Other definitions are thought to be: Tao, Chi, The Great Spirit, Chuck Norris, Energy, Infinity, Sublime, etc.

The reason this name continues to elude even the brightest of human minds is that the idea of Daniel cannot possibly exist in a dimensional state. Daniel is so powerful, it defies all laws of this or any other universe. Recent studies have shown that people who have attempted to comprehend this name have either disappeared, died spontaneously, or driven themselves into a pertinent state of insanity and/or catatonia.

David

A David is usually a tall, sexually attractive, good-looking guy. Generally, Davids can carry out long-term relationships, because they are often regarded as “hopeless romantics.” Davids are incredibly loyal, and can often be trusted with very important things. If you wanted to take a walk at like 12am, or just needed to vent, a David would be the best option. Davids are lovely creatures.

Eric

A man with a really big penis.

Evan

Noun: 1. One who is awesome beyond contemplation 2. one who pwns in all that he/she does

Hunter

A male that has a huge penis and a six-pack and is a ladies man but can be cocky at times but isn’t a player.

Jack

Total asshole in the best way. Doesn’t know when to stop; yet never needs to. You’ll hate him, but love him at the same time. Can’t live with him; can’t live without him. All around GOD. Boss @ life.

Jacob

Someone who is mysterious and impossible to figure out. Just like a maze – once you get him, he changes. He is known to be a little fruity, but once you get to know him, you won’t even notice. Although he’s a little weird, he finds a way to get to be very important in your heart. He’s great at sports and being sociable. He’s definitely one you want to keep as a friend forever.

Jeffery

A player who likes to smoke weed and have sex a lot. He will be extremely nice until you fall for him, then he will act like you never meant a thing to him.

John

A very, extremely confusing guy. Shows that he has feelings for you sometimes, but then might just randomly stop talking to you at any time. Veryy flirtatious. Manwhore. Willlllll lead you on. Hilarious. Full of charisma. You have to love him. Boys are jealous of him. Girls are jealous of the girl he is flirting with at the time…. not persistant. Changes moods easily; moody. Greatest, most annoying person on the face of this earth… yet I still want to be with him…

Joseph

A man’s man. Extremely awesome.

Wow, that guy just ate 58 buffalo wings. What a Joseph! 

Joshua

Dual personality, a guy of opposites. The king of acting hot and cold. Difficult to communicate with and can often behave like a narcissist. Smells good. Needs and wants someone who will love him and care for him as he is.

Kyle

A guy who is attractive, possibly a fuckboy, and attracts all of the ladies. He can sometimes be a little creepy, and very overprotective over a significant other.

Lamar

Only the coolest, most awesome guy in all of history, the solar system, all galaxies, and I think I’ll go there… OUR EXPANDING UNIVERSE. If you see or hear of one of these rare breed of human, they will be extremely good looking. So in summary if you find one, hug him ’til he calls you a batty man or s***. Cause you will never get another chance.

Lucas

Super badass kid. Usually does incredibly stupid things. All-around leader. Extremely attractive and cool.

Matthew

A sexy guy that liked the women and has a nice tooth brush.

Michael

A sexy bitch.

Noah

A smart boy. He is a real charmer and is really good with music. Despite him intelligence, he likes to revel and see what he can get away with. He is generally likable, even though he can be a douche.

Patrick

The love of your life. The guy who’s eyes you could just stare into all day. The guy who teases you and plays with your fingers.

Paul

Similar to the urban legend of Bigfoot, Paul is a mysterious and beautiful seagull that roams around the earth without a care in the world.

Peter

Sarcastic, funny, observant, sexy, interesting, horrible at texting, doesn’t have the greatest taste in baseball or football teams, but knows how to make you smile.

Robert

A butt face.

Rodrigo

A person who wants everything with reproductive organs. A walking hormone. Even though a Rodrigo is usually harmless you must have a firm handle on his outgoing attitude. But Rodrigo’s are still usually well-liked, everyone knows a Rodrigo.

Shane

A very hott boy that has a nice body. Always smells extremely good and is all gangsta.

Steven

An extremely cool guy that is hotter than any other person I know. He is hip n happenin’ and can whoop anyone’s ass.

Thomas

A guy that doesn’t give hugs but secretly wants to!

William

A boy that goes to your school. He’s amazing, of course. He’s the most stunning thing you’ll ever lay your eyes on. He’s sweet and funny. He’s a beast at video games and never fails at making you happy. He’s the boy that you want to date, but you can’t because he’s taken. Taken by a normal girl, unlike yourself </3

Zachary

Zachary is one-of-a-kind. No one else is like him. He is an oddball. If he cares about you, he treats you like royalty. He won’t let ANYONE mess with the ones he loves. He’s charismatic and the nicest person you will ever meet. He’s different and special. He won’t ever hurt you. He has a bit of a temper but its best for the people around him and his own safety. A protective, harmless, respectful, caring, weird, wonderful person. You’ll fall in love with him within three weeks of knowing him <3

 

Don’t you feel like you learned so much? Now you can fly free like a Paul :’)